A long term study has found that women are the one’s initiating 70-75% of all
divorces. In the study it was discovered that women are most likely to divorce in their late
twenties and early thirties, after about four years of marriage. Women have
pre-midlife crisis’s that are similar to the midlife crisis’s that men have, but
with a big difference that she states can make women more likely to cheat than
men. After years of interviewing women, the study revealed certain
patterns and behaviors that were put into the“stages” that women
often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages
initiate with a loss of sexual desire.
The 4 Stages:
Stage 1Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.
Stage 2
Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter
outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man
involve sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of
emotional significance to these encounters.
Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time.
Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new
relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience
what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience
behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic
of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and
friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer
express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite.
They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves.
Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women
will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving
of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more
attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many
women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their
continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to
needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past
behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their
husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair
to follow.
Stage 3
Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating
divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they
have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have
found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a
chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in
love.
These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing
between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe
that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are
unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with
their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable
to stick with their decisions.
Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude
that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become
addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a
relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or
should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women
at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a
separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile
attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time
at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present
complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with
their husbands.The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”
Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.
Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a
mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a
"new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their
affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean
slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women
will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to
their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women
will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to
safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not
sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is rekindled when they
suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when
their husbands show signs of moving on.
Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.
Truth be told if one cant hold true to their vows then they are useless liars and deserve to be unhappy the rest of their lives.
