Reading Between the Lines

Looking at the current political climate it is painfully obvious that people in general are inherently gullible and pre-disposed to be dishonest.  Pick any politician and think about their campaigns, the speeches and promises they made in their bid to be elected to employment. It's simple- they lie, without concern for the fallout, about the issues that are important to us and the voting majority believe their dishonesty.  

Now apply that same psychological characteristic to everyone in your life.  Spouses, Family and friends have a deeper intimate knowledge of the things we hold important and more specific our absolutes- the situations that we are unyielding, the issues that would lead us to make concrete changes.  Lets say for example ones significant other frivolously buys something that they know will upset their mate and proceeds to hide the purchase but their significant other finds out, is hurt by the deceit but then accepts the betrayal following nothing more than a few "conversations" and an apology.  The dishonesty still occurred just as the it does in the case of politicians.  It is the same and the response is similar because just as the voting majority, the significant other accepts that its insignificant and based on the spouses "it will never happen again" the dishonesty becomes an after thought after all it did not go against an "absolute".  Now lets propose that the betrayal encroaches upon the area of an  "absolute" for most and engages in an illicit relationship in any form understanding that at initiation of and during the illicit relationship that the life they are living with their significant other is ruled by dishonesty that will inevitably lead to severe emotional pain and consequences for all in the life they betrayed.  Contrast this with the dishonesty of the politician who understands that the calculated promises they made with no intention to maintain will ultimately negatively impact the lives of everyone they represent.  In each case, once the dishonesty is illuminated, they are subjected to scrutiny- the politician at the hands of the media and constituents.  The offending significant other however has to deal with a smaller scope having lost the trust of the very ones who have been by their side through good times and bad, sickness and health, richer and poorer.  Politicians have experts whose job is solely to "clean up the mess" and the one basic rule of successful damage control and perception rehab is to simply come clean and tell the entire truth- no matter the degree of pain it may cause.  The psychology of politics states that the pain of the truth is more easily overcome than is the drudge of doubt.  In the case of betrayal through an illicit relationship the same rule applies.  However there are no "experts" helping the offending spouse to rehab their image and trust.  Understand that once the betrayal has been found out, the betrayed spouse will seek information to absorb much like a sponge absorbs liquid.  A period of endless questions will begin and it's at this time, regardless of the known absolutes of the betrayed, the truth is the only way to satisfy the storm of doubt raging and deep pain that has been inflicted.  The doubt brought by the betrayal is the relationship killer.  Lets say for example that the betraying spouse maintains that the illicit relationship did not get physical- did not see personally or had sexual contact.. It did not progress past Internet, text, phone calls but while reviewing the text communication by the betrayed one simple statement made by the betraying to the other man/woman alludes to "missing him/her" before being found out.  That implies to the betrayed that a face to face relationship occurred because how can you "miss" someone if text messaging and voice calls were the extent of the ongoing illicit relationship.  The offending spouse has all the incentive in the world to continue the dishonesty especially knowing that a physical infidelity is an absolute of the offended spouse that would potentially lead to an irrepairable reconciliation. 

I realize that it appears that I strayed about from my opening statement but my intent is simply to expound on the importance of complete honesty in all areas of our existence.  Politics and relationships are the two most important areas that dictate the direction of our lives and ironically dishonesty and betrayal is rampant in both. The only way to repair the political arena and reconcile relationships where damage has been done is to remove any doubt.  Coming partially clean and trying to bury the infractions against perceived absolutes will eventually bring greater pain and sure destruction.  The Bible is clear when it tells us to be sure that your sins will find you out.  The truth can overcome absolutes and besides, The only way to live with integrity is by owning the saying, "The truth will set you free!"  

Life, Love, Death and Betrayal

Life is full of ups and downs.  One just needs to be observant and look around at the issues going on in the world today.  So many esoteric events impact our individual lives.  It's like a pebble that is dropped in calm water.  On initial impact the surface tension of the water is disrupted and the kinetic energy causes ripples to form, the magnitude directly proportional to the size of the rock.  

The problems (the rocks) we face in life (the water surface) create ripple effects the same.  One thing for certain in life is we will always have to deal with ripples whether from the problems direct in our lives or as a byproduct of problems in the lives of those around us.  Many people fear and are ill prepared to cope with the ripples.  I have found that the best way to cope is to understand that nothing is as bad as it seems and in most instances, we manufacture much more dire circumstances than, what in actuality, even the worst problem would manifest.  Think about it, the worst possible outcome and the one end result most people fear is death.  I have found that there is something worse than death and that is betrayal.  In life and love through the highs and lows, being betrayed can cause a person to long for death to escape the hurt, uncertainty and pain of total loss of trust placed in another.  Betrayal can be at the hands of a loved one, family, a friend or employer.  Most have experienced hurt and betrayal from one of the above and unfortunately some have experienced from multiple people from those categories.  The degree of hurt varies to the closeness of the  relationship but each cause ripples felt long after the initial impact.  Each ripple is representative of the feelings of hurt, emptiness, anger, bitterness and loneliness that one has the draining task of living with day to day.  Dealing with such emotions is difficult. Some turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the emptiness they feel to the degree that their very existence is identified and hinges on the use of a substance.  Should the drug/alcohol be removed they would be lost and struggle to find their identity.  Others retreat within themselves, shutting out the world around them, unable and unwilling to open themselves up to trust again.  The rawness of emotion causing apprehension in just the thoughts of functioning in society.  There are those that allow anger and bitterness to burn as fuel to morph into an individual bent on vindication.  They fundamentally ignore compassion and sympathy with determination to never again allow themselves to be in a position to be the betrayed.  

I have experienced betrayal at multiple levels- family, loved ones, friends and employers.  Each have presented with a different magnitude but all formed ripples that I will be dealing with the rest of my life.  I have struggled and found myself dealing in the different ways.  The varying magnitudes proved that there are definitely worse things than death and I can understand the peaceful longing for such an escape.  However, through it all I found that with a few exceptions, things are never as bad as what they seem and regardless of our innate desires nothing good ever comes from completely trusting anyone.