Cha..cha..changes...

After a well deserved hiatus and numerous major life changes, I'm baaaack! I must admit that, and this is saying a lot coming from a routine-a-holic, change is indeed good. I realized finally that if I had to work for an idiot that I may as well work for myself.. I am so thankful that my past part-time endeavor for a little extra blossomed into an opportunity to acquire the liberty to be my own boss. Someone whom I use to hold in high regard stated in obvious envy, prior to my decision, that I had situated myself to be accountable to no one. I'm not delusional enough to take ownership of that claim but I can say that I am selective of to whom I choose to be accountable. Isn't that the goal? When we place ourselves under accountability to another we are doing so to their strengths and weaknesses. With that in mind, we have to weigh whether the strengths overcome the potential drain of their weaknesses. The Declaration of Independence enshrines "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" among the unalienable rights of all men. One is hypocritical to condemn another for having the courage to seek to obtain those three. Sadly men, who make mistakes in the face of sound advice that would have avoided them, will always seek to transfer blame to those that are accountable to them. That's human nature. It's a psychological defect called narcissism. We all suffer it to varying degrees. Some manage it better than others by maintaining an accurate introspective inventory. Again, the Declaration of Independence states, "All men are created equal". What forms the differences and uniqueness from person to person? Really understanding who we are- specifically our psychological variances/deficiencies and knowing the true source of our faith are the determining factors in an individuals success in obtaining Life, Liberty and Happiness.
During my hiatus I found that I had been placing myself in situations and relationships that were chronically draining to me. Why? Narcissistic individuals seek L.L.H through the work and sacrifice of others. They feel a sense of entitlement to "piggy back" on another's quest for one or all three. I determined that the best I could do for another is to "set the table" but "eating" is their responsibility. I can say this for sure, each individual is the author of their own success. Life, Liberty and Happiness is obtainable and is uniquely different in everyone and I am thankful for the experiences- good and bad, the people-contributors and leeches, and decisions- constructive and destructive that led me to this time in my life. Life is good, I am happy and for the first time I have liberty simply because I stood up, stepped out and made a choice to pare down the list of those whom I had been accountable. I encourage all to evaluate and take the step.... Make the changes necessary. Life is short. Don't waste it being drained . Don't allow another's weaknesses determine whether you have a life filled with happiness and freedom.

Mastering Transitions

Change can be a scary thing; some people will go to great lengths to avoid it. The truth is, we get comfortable where we are and the idea of change isn’t pleasant.  Whether you are moving schools, starting a new job, leaving a bad relationship, or moving to a new state, all transitions go through the three predictable stages.

 

Stage One: Resisting/Reacting
Characterized by doubt and discomfort as you are actively objecting and negatively comparing your new situation to your old. You're not looking, you're judging and it doesn't look good.

Stage Two: Adjusting/Exploring

Characterized by doing more than feeling. You're gathering information on how to make this work, making choices, making connections, asking questions, digging in.

Stage Three: Living Well in the New Old or the Old New

This is the stage you don't notice because it doesn't feel like a stage. You've arrived at your new destination. You're accepting and incorporating the new so much, you wouldn't have it any other way: The new is the (new) old.

While it would be nice to jump to the final stage, it doesn’t work that way. If you take the time to understand the stages that you will go through, you will avoid thinking in the beginning that you may have made a wrong move because you don’t feel okay about it.

Each person varies with the time it will take him or her to move through these stages. Everything will be alright in the end. So, if it is not alright, it is not yet the end.

It all comes  to the swimming pool analogy: When you first get into a pool, it doesn't feel good. It feels cold. You question briefly should I get out, or why did I get in, but then, anticipating what's ahead -- the refreshing feeling of floating weightlessly in water -- you hang in and are greatly rewarded. It feels good! Why? Did someone change the water, warm it up? No, we adjusted. So with change, we must be willing to feel that initial discomfort, ride it out and trust that we'll adjust. Here are some ideas to grease those wheels of change so they'll move a little bit more efficiently.

1. Don't Expect to Feel Fantastic at First: Expect the Opposite

• You didn't want to start kindergarten, then you didn't want to leave elementary school or middle school, you don't want to start college -- then it was the best time of your life and so on. So it is for adults. If you only think ahead on the unknown, you forget that you are a master at transitions. But even masters have to pay the piper. The way to be gracious (and cut down on your anguish) is not to expect that you'll have a seamless process, but actually expect the opposite. If you expect discomfort, like slowing down slightly before a familiar bump in the road, it won't send you flying when you hit it.

    2.  Fast Forward to the End and Put a Time Frame on the Adjustment

• How do you think things will really turn out? Counter your anxious predictions with the facts. And while you're at it, estimate how long you think it will take to settle into the new routine -- a week? A month? A few? Even if your estimate is off, just being able to foresee the end of the adjustment curve suggests that this is possible (and likely).

    3.  Don't Forget to Add Yourself to the Equation

• You may feel powerless against change, but you're in the picture, too. How did all those previous changes get worked through? You can be sure that you had something (a lot) to do with that. All the tools and experience that you bring to the situation are there for you.

    4.  What Changes, What Doesn't?

• We may think when we start a new job, relationship, or school year that everything is new and that we have to reinvent not only the wheel, but the whole shebang. Focus on the things that are really changing and enjoy or take stock of what is already in good working order in your life. Appreciating what doesn't need your attention may give you more energy to face head-on what does.

    5.  Don't Think, Do, and Do Small

• How do you feel about the transition? Chances are that if you wait for the motivation to feel better -- "I'll start doing x, once y is over," -- y doesn't come. Motivation follows behavior. As we see ourselves doing things, we feel more confident that we can. So don't just sit there, do something, but do something small. Take the big goal -- making friends at college, dating after a breakup, adjusting to a move -- and take it one call, one cup of coffee, one hello at a time. Build up from there