People who are unhappy get consolation from knowing that others are unhappy as well. I believe that many that are unhappy do not intentionally set out with intent to "drag" others down to a place of unhappiness but rather the unhappy person is in same manner expecting that their unhappiness will dissipate and lead to happiness. A prime example occurs in marriage when one spouse becomes disillusioned with their life and partner. They search, due to their unhappiness, for someone with whom they believe that they will be happy. An affair occurs and eventually a divorce at which time they marry the one that precipitated the divorce. The one the spouse thought would bring them happiness. The reality is that it never works out just as expected. He/She finds that soon they are actually more unhappy in their present relationship than they were in the one that led to committing adultery to get away. At that point the sum total of all that are miserable has increased beyond just the one to include the exspouse, children, family and new partner. Taking an accurate inventory one would find that never is just one person responsible. I mean, in the life of the unhappy spouse the source of the unhappiness(misery) is not that way based solely on their partner but unfortunately people have a tendency to always assign blame on someone else and the one person closest to them is in most cases the "reason". Nevermind any psychiatric issues such as depression, bipolar disorder, etc in the unhappy spouse. Now here is the "perfect storm", a "unhappy" spouse reaches out to an "unhappy" single individual and one or both suffer from a mental illness. In the minds of both, the other is exactly what is necessary to be happy and they move forward. Talk about total meltdown on both ends. Alot of causulties lay in the wake of the volitile and compromised thought processes of both individuals. An unhappy, miserable person does nothing but make others unhappy and miserable.
Fact is that a person should never place the burden of total happiness on another. Yes, spouses should enjoy doing for and giving each other what is necessary to be comfortable and happy physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. The most important thing in my opinion is that each spouse NOT do the things that they know will bring hurt and pain on the other regardless of their perceived state of happiness. Truth as I know it is that if you love someone then hurting them in any way is not an option. If you love someone then why make them miserable as well? I understand the selfishness of someone who is outside a relationship thinking that "if only I had so and so(one of the spouses) in my life I would be happy" not caring of the unhappiness and hurt they cause in their attempts to be "happy". I cant understand why "so and so" would want to inflict that unhappiness on those he/she supposedly loves. But anyway, statistics have shown that misery follows the spouse that steps outside of marriage seeking "happiness". The reason- it was in the marriage already but boredom masquerading as unhappiness led misery to find company.
Showing posts with label misery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label misery. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Misery- toddler mind... Adult body!
I lay here tonight with my wife's head on my chest, in well deserved bliss, as we listen to the crash of the ocean's breaking waves. Our legs are intertwined as I feel her smooth skin pressing against me. She is at the edge of deep sleep as both our heart rates have slowed, breathing again normal and only a slight film of moisture remains coating our skin following our sharing of each other.
My mind is at peace but always processing, analytically, different facets of this life. I am drawn this night to once again the misery people find themselves, which is the exact opposite of where I and my wife find ourselves, and the lengths they will reach not to alleviate their misery but rather drag others to their same level. Misery indeed does love company. Fact is whether they find themselves miserable in life through their own stupidity or due to mental illness, the things they perceive will change their miserable existence is generally another false step that stands to cause another person to fall into their pit of despair. They attempt to force those that are happy to take ownership of their misery! It's interesting that all that are miserable claim the victim role in life. Their misery is always the fault of someone else. Their thought process is simply psychotic! You commit a crime(society has established guidelines and definitions of actions that make right and wrong simple to understand) then accountability is expected. You knew your actions were unacceptable but you went through with it anyway.. That does not make you a victim! It makes you a perpetrator. Boundaries exist in every facet of life. Some to protect you, some to protect others but no matter they exist to protect from harm. If someone crosses a boundary and comes to some harm, whose fault is it? The one who crossed it is to blame and when the harm(consequences) are experienced they are getting what they knew could happen so in no way can they remotely claim to be a victim. I understand fully however that in the case of the presence of a mental illness, they have decreased intellectual capacity that impedes their ability to understand that their misery in life is a direct consequence of their many delusional choices in attempt to escape their misery by making someone else as or more miserable than themselves. In such a case, the person they "bring down" is truly the victim. Sociopaths are prime examples- they enjoy the "chase", the "game" of controlling the life of another. The sociopath is so miserable that the only way they can experience any satisfaction is participating in and seeing someone else hate life more than they. They are incapable of respecting boundaries as evidenced in broken relationships, legal issues and difficulty in functioning to make a living. Once someone sees through their game and calls them to accountability, the sociopath will "beat their chest", threaten, belittle, proclaim to be innocent and play the role of the victim! The sociopath is useless. Their biochemical imbalance, even through many hospitalizations (Dorthea Dix for example), he/she remains a lost cause and a continued waste of tax payer money for regardless of treatment- (medication, ECT, CBT, etc) their life will always be miserable, they will continue to make bad decisions that will be caught by stable and intelligent individuals. Those individuals (legal or private) will call the sociopath to accountability through negative consequences and again the sociopath will attempt to manipulate others to see him/her as the victim! This process will continue over the entire course of his/her life because of their lack mental capacity to take ownership of the mess they call their life. Forever they will be toddlers in adult bodies and a drain on society. I personally know of a couple for which there is no hope. What a miserable life they have made for themselves but frankly they deserve all the misery!
My mind is at peace but always processing, analytically, different facets of this life. I am drawn this night to once again the misery people find themselves, which is the exact opposite of where I and my wife find ourselves, and the lengths they will reach not to alleviate their misery but rather drag others to their same level. Misery indeed does love company. Fact is whether they find themselves miserable in life through their own stupidity or due to mental illness, the things they perceive will change their miserable existence is generally another false step that stands to cause another person to fall into their pit of despair. They attempt to force those that are happy to take ownership of their misery! It's interesting that all that are miserable claim the victim role in life. Their misery is always the fault of someone else. Their thought process is simply psychotic! You commit a crime(society has established guidelines and definitions of actions that make right and wrong simple to understand) then accountability is expected. You knew your actions were unacceptable but you went through with it anyway.. That does not make you a victim! It makes you a perpetrator. Boundaries exist in every facet of life. Some to protect you, some to protect others but no matter they exist to protect from harm. If someone crosses a boundary and comes to some harm, whose fault is it? The one who crossed it is to blame and when the harm(consequences) are experienced they are getting what they knew could happen so in no way can they remotely claim to be a victim. I understand fully however that in the case of the presence of a mental illness, they have decreased intellectual capacity that impedes their ability to understand that their misery in life is a direct consequence of their many delusional choices in attempt to escape their misery by making someone else as or more miserable than themselves. In such a case, the person they "bring down" is truly the victim. Sociopaths are prime examples- they enjoy the "chase", the "game" of controlling the life of another. The sociopath is so miserable that the only way they can experience any satisfaction is participating in and seeing someone else hate life more than they. They are incapable of respecting boundaries as evidenced in broken relationships, legal issues and difficulty in functioning to make a living. Once someone sees through their game and calls them to accountability, the sociopath will "beat their chest", threaten, belittle, proclaim to be innocent and play the role of the victim! The sociopath is useless. Their biochemical imbalance, even through many hospitalizations (Dorthea Dix for example), he/she remains a lost cause and a continued waste of tax payer money for regardless of treatment- (medication, ECT, CBT, etc) their life will always be miserable, they will continue to make bad decisions that will be caught by stable and intelligent individuals. Those individuals (legal or private) will call the sociopath to accountability through negative consequences and again the sociopath will attempt to manipulate others to see him/her as the victim! This process will continue over the entire course of his/her life because of their lack mental capacity to take ownership of the mess they call their life. Forever they will be toddlers in adult bodies and a drain on society. I personally know of a couple for which there is no hope. What a miserable life they have made for themselves but frankly they deserve all the misery!
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