Numerous studies have shown that children without involved fathers
are significantly more likely to use drugs, to do poorly in school and/or drop
out of high school, to have health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be
victims of abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior more than those who live
with their married parents. Researchers at the University of Maryland found
that having a substitute supportive “father figure” could help counteract these
effects.
Fathers have an important role. Stephen Duncan, professor at
Montana State University-Bozeman, says that fathers influence development from
a very early age, even as early as a few weeks of age when dads become the
child’s “most significant other.” He says that it is through the father that
“the baby first learns about comings and goings, transitions, separations and
non-mother nurturing.” Father involvement during the first eight weeks of life
affects children’s ability to manage stress as school-age children.
A father’s influence is accomplished through a number of means:
attachment, involvement, play, modeling, teaching, protection and providing.
Duncan says that father-child play tends to be more rough-and-tumble play than
mother-child play and seems to be an important factor in the father-child
relationship.
Boys need a good male role model to learn how to be men and girls
need it to learn to appreciate their femininity and to develop trust and
intimacy with men. Duncan says that fathers play a major role in preparing
children for life outside the family. This can happen both through modeling and
direct teaching. Lastly, fathers increase the well-being of their children when
they have a good relationship with their children’s mother.
Benefits of involved fathering are not just for children. Fathers
also benefit. They experience more personal happiness and satisfaction. Their
health and overall well-being is improved. They are even more likely to advance
in their careers.
Good fathers nurture their marriage. They make fatherhood a high
priority and spend time with their
children, being connected with most, if not all, aspects of their children’s
lives. They have regular one-on-one time with each child. They are affectionate
with their children. They are teachers and good models. They protect and
provide for their children.
When a
Dad is absent or can’t be a good provider, he has no credibility, and often
virtually no role in the family. For example, fathers who’ve been in prison
have a horrible time getting jobs, and can feel helpless about becoming an
authority in their children’s lives.
Also it is important to place a priority on the marriage to the children’s
mother. It has been said that the best
gift a father can give a child is to love their mother. Nothing is more true. In today’s social climate of self
gratification and “the if it feels good do it” mindset, we are seeing an
epidemic of divorce. Children raised in
divorce homes are 80% more likely to divorce as adults. Why is this?
Parents set the example of what is normal for their children. For example, if a father has a history of
disrespecting authority and runnins with the legal system then the child will
grow to have the same or similar attitudes and find themselves walking in the
father’s footsteps. With divorce,
because it was “okay” for the parents then it is okay for the children. If a daughter has a mother who is constantly
seeking male companionship and constantly choosing men who are abusive, she
will grow to seek the same type of man and continue the same patterns because
the absence of her father forces her to model the mother’s path thinking that
an abusive man is normal (and growing up feeling dejected and worthless because
of an absent father perpetuates the issue).
To be a
REAL father, one must work diligently at
maintaining the marriage. That is the
most critical step in appropriate development in the children. The children must witness first hand that love is difficult and
not something to be taken lightly and is
definitely not disposable. They learn
how to love, how to relate, how to interact, how to “fight fair” and most importantly how to develop
trust in themselves and others. Our
prisons are full of men and women who did not have the opportunity to learn
those things because of selfish, self-centered parents. You show me a teenager abusing drugs, doing poorly in school, in legal trouble or pregnant out of wedlock
and I will show you a father who failed at the most important responsibility
given to him allowing divorced home and even worse being absent not caring for
his children.
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