Opening Vent

I sit and ponder, on most days, why it is so difficult for people to say what they mean and mean whay they say.  I know that it is human nature to desire to either avoid difficulties or obtain what they think they want based on their feelings and emotions at the time.  Both are born out of selfishness and self-centeredness.  Take for example, marriage.... A man and woman meet, spend time with one another, choose to love the other and then it is all roses and rainbows as they are consumed with each other in love, get married before God, friends and family and set out to build their life together.  The vows made to each other, before divine and earthly guests, are to be the bedrock and foundation of their building.  Time passes, life gets busy, one of the two who vowed to "take the other through sickness and health... For richer and poorer... Through good times and bad.... Forsaking all others.... Till death do us part.." somehow forgets, decides to ignore or chooses that he/she no longer needs to honor the vow because they have "found or been re-united" a person they "just have to be with".  I have difficulty understanding.  I don't want to understand how two people can participate in an illicit relationship ( Let's call it what it is- Adultery) that they know without a doubt will hurt one or more(if there are children) all for the sake of satisfying their selfishness.  What good could possibly come other than sexual gratification(maybe... Maybe not and if so, only for a fleeting moment).  Actually the only one that reaps any benefit is the deranged other man(OM) or other woman(OW) who in many instances have nothing to lose(but their life if they "mess" with the wrong person).  The wayward spouse(WS) has to deal with the guilt and shame knowing of their betrayal which takes away from any gain they could obtain. 
Step back and take a long hard look at the human condition.  We are weak beings misguided in holding a belief that we are to be led by our emotions.  How many times have mistakes been made because of emotions- prisons are full of inmates who acted on their emotions.  Harsh words are said and relationships destroyed because of emotions.  Emotions mislead!  They are dependent on the mood of the day.  Lust not Love is driven by emotion. Love is a choice.  Love comes from spending time getting to know another person- their strengths and their weaknesses.  We choose to marry the individual that we chose to love after spending the time, getting to know and determining that our lives would be better with that person than without.  One does not "fall into love" with someone.  Love is not a pothole in the road and you walk along and wham!!! step into it.  A few encounters with someone does not constitute love either.  Which brings me to this...... a man is quick to say those three simple but powerful words to a woman- "I Love You!"  Why is he so quick to say those words?  Simple- men give love to get sex knowing that women give sex to get love.  As I have gotten older and hopefully wiser, it is easier to see the manipulative actions and misdeeds of my youth.  I understand why men are as they are.  Most concerning to me though is to look at men involved in adulterous relationships with married women and see that they use the same old tricks to get the one thing they are after- sex!  Is it developmental delay, mental illness, stupidity?  Or is it that the women, who should be wiser as well, still have the same guillible tendencies as they did in their teens?  Come on, in an illicit relationship the married woman will generally begin by giving the OM the blueprint to getting her to drop her pants.  She will share the grievences she has toward her husband- what he does do that she doesnt like, what he is not doing that she feels she needs, exactly what she dreams of.... The OM then knows exactly what to say and how to respond to appear as the "perfect man" and the WS "falls in love".  The illusion may persist for a while but someday it will be shattered and what she will find is a man and situation far worse than what she lost through buying the OM's false identity.
For 23 years I have been faithful to my wife.  Have I been tempted?  Absolutely!  Have I succumbed?  Proudly, NO.  I see families torn apart all around me because of selfishness and stupidity and am thankful that I love my wife and even though we have experienced richer and poorer, sickness and health, better and worse in our marriage, I will not allow myself to bring pain on her or our children.  The short term gain of an affair is not worth the long term consequences.  Besides, sex is far better with someone you love verses someone your in lust.  Love will stand the test of time while lust fades away!