Unmet Needs

The perception of ones needs going unmet in a relationship can bring about devastating consequences when one becomes obsessed with getting the need met. It's perplexing to think that such an obsession can lead to complete brain malfunction! As people mature from infancy to adulthood we undergoe a transition in thought process that brings about an understanding of the difference between "right and wrong"(well most anyway). All infants, being of limited communication skills, learn early on that when they cry that adults present will try to figure out the reason for their discomfort, try to determine the need and provide it. Age brings a greater repertoire of communication and manipulation skills in obtaining ones needs.
With that understanding, why is it that in marriages the husband, wife or both seem to regress back to borderline infancy when they feel a need is not being met that is the exclusive privilege of their spouse to meet. Instead of drawing on their vast lifelong experience in communication while knowing the difference between "right and wrong" to discuss as adults and to be persistent in doing the right thing, they act as infants crying in expectation that any adult will respond to meet the need. As a female, think for a second of your baby crying due to hunger and another woman begins breast feeding your child. Your child is content for the moment because their need is being met BUT That's your child, your life bond and your privilege and right. It is not the privilege or right of the other woman. You should be angry and have every right to be hurt. So it is in a case of infidelity! Both parties involved choose to ignore their knowledge of "right and wrong". The married participant becomes as the infant "crying" for a need to be met and the other person has no respect as the woman who steps in to feed when it is not their privilege or right. Wisdom and self control are to be a benefit of growing older. Without one or both what have gained? It's worth keeping in mind because there is so much we can lose when adults make the mistakes of a child.