Our past defines us. It is a collection of memories and experiences that come together in the present establishing our character. Looking at the past I am amazed at the power the memories and experiences exerts in our lives. What is hard for me to understand however is how people allow both the good and bad to influence our choices and decisions when we know in our intellect the harm that will befall us or our loved ones based on those decisions. For example, in a marriage, unless both were locked up in a closet for most of their teenage years, the wife and the husband had "loves", "dated", had "encounters"(sex) with others. They met each other at some point in their past after few or many experiences with others and decided that "this person is the one they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with". They get married, buy a house, have children, get a dog and embarq on a journey of building shared memories and experiences. Time passes- 5 years, 10 years- 20 years. Along the way they experience bad times and good times(hopefully more good than bad and in some cases the bad are REALLY bad). What's interesting is that many times the bad times have a direct connection to the individual past of one or the other in the marriage. It could be the memory of a past relationship that pulls one to seek contact with the person from their past which leads to an illicit relationship. Its funny how the human brain works. The negative or traumatic events in our lives will bury themselves and may manifest in an aversion to a particular situation but the people we were involved with during that time will find us drawn to- only remembering the good things about the person and the relationship. I guess it is akin to childbirth. To hear a woman during delivery in conversation with the father goes something as this, "You will never.... i mean never touch me with that "thing" again! The pain is all your fault!" The physical aspects will leave scars, stretchmarks and other changes in the body but not long after (some dont make it past the post 6 week no sex instruction) they are back at it. As time passes they are careful to remember, even with the physical reminders, the pain associated but a time comes when she looks and says, "Let's make another baby." The pain that made her swear off ever again having sex is no longer a deterent. (thankfully for us men).
I say that to say this. We are to remember the past so we will not repeat it. We can never, never go back and reclaim or relive our past(thankfully so). Our past should stand to make us resolved in maintaining our walk in the present toward the future holding on to the good things in our life now. The mistakes we made should be remembered as to be a deterent to not repeat the same mistakes in a viscious cycle. Relationships that are in our past are there for a reason. When we marry, we should never dwell on those in our past especiallly keeping in mind that the more time passes the less we remember of why those people are not our present relationship. If it was "meant to be" it would have been. What you have and who you are with in the present "is meant to be" especially if you and he/she have been for 10, 15, 20+ years. If you have been married for 20+ years to the same person then it should be painfully obvious that "it is meant to be" so at no point should any past relationship ever become an issue in the present or future. If it does then you need to think hard about the "bad" from your past before marriage and remember that whatever it was that you were seeking, you found and have had for 20+ years now. The ones involved before marriage obviously failed for whatever reason at the task then and will now and tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment