Time And Old Wounds..

They say that "time heals all wounds" and I would agree that the pain of an emotional wound dissipates over time but I have to disagree that it "heals".  I guess it is safe to say that the definition of "heal" is much like that of "normal" in that it is subjective and varies from day to day depending on the surroundings and events in ones life.  It is dependent upon the depth of the wound, the trauma that accompanied wounding that imprints In ones subconscious leading to triggers that can re-ignite, to varying degrees, the memory and discomfort of the initial event.  Sounds, actions and behaviors in others, specific dates, etc can make the trauma experienced seem just like yesterday.. 

This ties into another old saying- "forgive and forget".  Forgiving is a conscious choice all can make but forgetting... Well that is not so easy especially following a trauma. Phobias, irrational and rational fears stem from traumatic imprinting. Due to the biochemical complexity of our thought process it makes it virtually impossible to forget... Speaking for myself, when I see certain behaviors in those close to me, emotional traumas associated floods my thoughts.. When key dates approach certain parts of a traumatic event can be recalled verbatim and with great descriptive accuracy.  Years can seem like yesterday.  The complexity of the mind develops the ability as a defense mechanism.  I'm still on the fence as to whether that is a good or bad thing... I guess once again, time will tell.

Reading Between the Lines

Looking at the current political climate it is painfully obvious that people in general are inherently gullible and pre-disposed to be dishonest.  Pick any politician and think about their campaigns, the speeches and promises they made in their bid to be elected to employment. It's simple- they lie, without concern for the fallout, about the issues that are important to us and the voting majority believe their dishonesty.  

Now apply that same psychological characteristic to everyone in your life.  Spouses, Family and friends have a deeper intimate knowledge of the things we hold important and more specific our absolutes- the situations that we are unyielding, the issues that would lead us to make concrete changes.  Lets say for example ones significant other frivolously buys something that they know will upset their mate and proceeds to hide the purchase but their significant other finds out, is hurt by the deceit but then accepts the betrayal following nothing more than a few "conversations" and an apology.  The dishonesty still occurred just as the it does in the case of politicians.  It is the same and the response is similar because just as the voting majority, the significant other accepts that its insignificant and based on the spouses "it will never happen again" the dishonesty becomes an after thought after all it did not go against an "absolute".  Now lets propose that the betrayal encroaches upon the area of an  "absolute" for most and engages in an illicit relationship in any form understanding that at initiation of and during the illicit relationship that the life they are living with their significant other is ruled by dishonesty that will inevitably lead to severe emotional pain and consequences for all in the life they betrayed.  Contrast this with the dishonesty of the politician who understands that the calculated promises they made with no intention to maintain will ultimately negatively impact the lives of everyone they represent.  In each case, once the dishonesty is illuminated, they are subjected to scrutiny- the politician at the hands of the media and constituents.  The offending significant other however has to deal with a smaller scope having lost the trust of the very ones who have been by their side through good times and bad, sickness and health, richer and poorer.  Politicians have experts whose job is solely to "clean up the mess" and the one basic rule of successful damage control and perception rehab is to simply come clean and tell the entire truth- no matter the degree of pain it may cause.  The psychology of politics states that the pain of the truth is more easily overcome than is the drudge of doubt.  In the case of betrayal through an illicit relationship the same rule applies.  However there are no "experts" helping the offending spouse to rehab their image and trust.  Understand that once the betrayal has been found out, the betrayed spouse will seek information to absorb much like a sponge absorbs liquid.  A period of endless questions will begin and it's at this time, regardless of the known absolutes of the betrayed, the truth is the only way to satisfy the storm of doubt raging and deep pain that has been inflicted.  The doubt brought by the betrayal is the relationship killer.  Lets say for example that the betraying spouse maintains that the illicit relationship did not get physical- did not see personally or had sexual contact.. It did not progress past Internet, text, phone calls but while reviewing the text communication by the betrayed one simple statement made by the betraying to the other man/woman alludes to "missing him/her" before being found out.  That implies to the betrayed that a face to face relationship occurred because how can you "miss" someone if text messaging and voice calls were the extent of the ongoing illicit relationship.  The offending spouse has all the incentive in the world to continue the dishonesty especially knowing that a physical infidelity is an absolute of the offended spouse that would potentially lead to an irrepairable reconciliation. 

I realize that it appears that I strayed about from my opening statement but my intent is simply to expound on the importance of complete honesty in all areas of our existence.  Politics and relationships are the two most important areas that dictate the direction of our lives and ironically dishonesty and betrayal is rampant in both. The only way to repair the political arena and reconcile relationships where damage has been done is to remove any doubt.  Coming partially clean and trying to bury the infractions against perceived absolutes will eventually bring greater pain and sure destruction.  The Bible is clear when it tells us to be sure that your sins will find you out.  The truth can overcome absolutes and besides, The only way to live with integrity is by owning the saying, "The truth will set you free!"  

10 WARNING SIGNS OF A SOCIOPATH

THE 10 DANGER SIGNS

Sociopath expert Dr Robert Hare has devised the following checklist to help people recognise sociopathic traits.  

1. SUPERFICIAL charm. Smooth, engaging and charming, a sociopath will never become tongue-tied or embarrassed.  

•Often compose poetry and fictitious stories where the lead character (assigned the sex of the writer) is the complete package.

2. OVER-INFLATED sense of self-worth. Sociopaths believe they are superior human beings.

•Feel they do no wrong. Often assigns blame for the negative aspects of their life on others. 

•They are easily paranoid and possessive if they believe they are in a relationship (belief could stem from simply chatting with the opposite sex on Facebook).

3. PRONE to boredom. They feel the need to be stimulated constantly.

•Leads to alcohol and drug abuse which takes a prominent place in their actual life and fictitious compositions. (Alcoholism runs hand in hand with ASPD).

4. PATHOLOGICAL liars. Sociopaths will be deceptive and dishonest.

• They will lie about all aspects of their life to become the individual they feel the person they are interested in using is looking for.  

• Social Networking sites such as Facebook are their main tool to perpetuate their schemes.

• They often look up past acquaintances and completely disregard their marital/relationship status (see #2).  They find it easier to re-initiate a friendship than to establish a new one.

5. MANIPULATIVE. They will say and do anything to deceive and cheat others. 

6. LACK of remorse. No sense of the suffering of their victims.

7. LIMITED range of feelings. Don’t expect them to express anything other than happiness or sadness. 

• Most frequently anger and arousal..  

8. CALLOUS. Cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate and tactless are apt words to describe them.

9. THEY live a parasitic lifestyle. Sociopaths are often financially dependent on others.

• The most severe has a history of numerous psychiatric hospitalizations.

• Unable to maintain gainful employment thus live of of the system- mental disability checks.

• They bounce between few friends and family be it siblings or aunts sponging their way through while wasting their disability payments on cigarettes, alcohol and drugs while spending most of their time cultivating their life if deceit.

10. THEY can’t control their behaviour. When challenged, sociopaths will appear irritable, annoyed and impatient.

• Due to their paranoia they are easily irritated when someone else figures them out or when someone refuses to provide what they demand.  

• This behavior leads to legal issues and incarceration due to stalking, assault/battery and resisting arrest. 

The signs are simple and easily discerned if the time is taken to look past their initial attempts to manipulate and deceive. In this day and age it is best to perform a background check to get an unbiased snap shot of the true life they live.  It doesn't cost much... in the end it will save you from a great deal of emotional and physical abuse as well as protect your finances and good name.  

BEHAVIOR... Better than a mood ring...

Does he/she persistently lie to you or steal from you?

Do you get the feeling that they have no remorse for hurting people?

Do they have a childhood diagnosis of conduct disorder?

Are you fearful of your safety? Is he/she prone to violence and/or aggressive behavior?

Is he/she unable to keep and maintain friendships? 

Have you noticed that he/she has an extreme sense of entitlement, often putting others needs last or not considering them at all?

Do you believe him/her when they compliment you, or does it seem superficial and manipulative?

Is he/she wreckless and impulsive? 

Does it seem as they have no self control? 

Do they have recurring difficulties with the law because of this?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you are unfortunately dealing with somebody who suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD).  One just needs to look at a persons history (legal, employment, family) and pay attention to their current life situation. Do they maintain a heavy focus on using alcohol or other substances?

Do they spend an inordinate amount of time in attempts at creativity? (Writing stories or poetry on social networking sites)..

Is their mood shifts evident in their attempt at creativity?  (Focus on love, loss, life, sex?)

It's important to evaluate the answers to the information as being observed.  Many that suffer ASPD and BPD try to escape their chemical imbalance through creating a "delusional" or "Fantasy" existence.  By nature of their disorder they seek to portray the existence as reality specifically in an environment that allows them to maintain anonymity thus protecting the frailty of the existence they have created. One can pay close attention to the writings the individual composes and will notice the mood swings that are characteristic with their mental illness.  When feeling "stable" whether on medication or a hiatus in the biochemical storm that they routinely experience, you will notice a high degree of fictional creativity as they mold their delusion around their ideal life.  They will embellish facts of their own life to bring attention of those groups or individuals (targets) that they choose to be their audience.  Male suffers of the disorder,will focus on females, alcohol and sex.  Many times they will compose stories that find themselves and a female being the last two people on earth(i.e post apocalyptic back drop). Other times they will portray a life of highly romantic love focusing on having unlimited money to show such love. One commonality in their writings is a high acclaim and use off alcohol whether wine, beer or whiskey in everyday life.  Their is an extremely high incidence of co-morning alcoholism with this and other mental illnesses.  More importantly however, you can track the cycles of their disorder based on the prose they present. When shifting to a manic, uncontrolled state, the frequency of their compilation of poetry increases... The majority of which places emphasis on the loss of love, the ability of the composer to love better than anyone, sex and how he/she doesn't care and can bring bodily harm to another (this part occurs at the precipice of a manic break which often is a precursor to running afoul of the law.). 

If one just takes the time to answer the questions and then pay attention to the the time and content placed into the creation of their delusion then you can not fall prey to their manipulation.  Don't be mistaken, they have no other motive than to "use" another as evident in their legal history, broken relationships, poor employment history.. Truth is, what type of person has the time to devote to the creation of delusional existences (that doesn't get paid to do so) heavily focused on sex and alcohol with a history of legal issues (40 + legal runnins, many DUI's, Assault and Battery charges to including on a female and a history of psychiatric hospital admissions)?  An unemployed alcoholic who refuses to follow the treatment plan as established by a psychiatrist.  I could name names as examples with specific illustrations but I believe the warning is very clear.  See the signs, stay away or be abused by the person.  Simple as that. 

JUST MAKES NO SENSE... And don't even realize it!

Take a deep look into the world around you.  I mean really look... Don't just glance and briefly observe the people, places and things that surround you day to day.  I have been doing just that the past month with a purpose.  It's one thing to just accept the state that this country finds itself in but it's entirely another to attempt to understand why it is the way it is.  My observations are as follows: 

1.  People that don't have any appreciable means of income, those that are unemployed by choice sit around all day on Facebook and post ridiculous delusions and fantasies by means of a computer or their smartphone. The fact that they do so is not the issue... The issue is that they have the tools to do so while some who are out of work due to layoffs or other reasons that are no fault of their own struggle to find a job to simply keep a roof over their head and food on the table.  Why is that?  Those who choose to not work have made it their job to live off the system.  They know how to play, milk and make permanent the aid designed to be temporary.  A person who works and has health insurance is responsible for anywhere from $250 to $500 for a visit to an emergency room while the "leech" uses the emergency room as a clinic and thanks to the public assistance given to them pays zero.  They are rewarded for not working.  It's to the point that in many instances it is more profitable to not work.  

2.  People with mental illness have fallen through the cracks (many have found how to take advantage of the system by petitioning for and receiving disability checks every month) and do not seek or continue treatment.  Once they get the lifetime benefit they will not follow the treatment plan that was established and maintained while seeking disability.  So what do they do??? They don't take the medication prescribed instead opting for beer, whiskey, wine, marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, etc.  anything and everything that exacerbates their condition. During which time they cycle between depression (many times ending up in the ER following an accidental overdose or suicide attempt) and mania (what's one to expect when introducing a stimulant??  This finds them being destructive- driving while under the influence, fighting, stealing, etc that finds them arrested and incarcerated).  Both cost the system (aka: tax payer dollars).  Oh and they sit on Facebook all day typing out their delusion and fantasies.  

3.  Politicians are self-centered and clueless (highly functioning mental illness).  They do and say whatever it takes to exploit the system (voters) to give them a job and then they waste millions of dollars and tell billions of lies to make sure they continue to take advantage of the system (job paid through tax payer dollars).

4.  Millions of people from other countries come into this country illegally because the welfare system in America provides a far better living than they could obtain through working in their country of citizenship.  They take the jobs that the Americans referenced above (1 and 2) could do but choose not to.  Many times the jobs pay in cash (the employer not paying into the tax system and the employee not paying into the system) and they send most of their earned money to family in their home country thus taking it out of the U.S. economy.  While doing this they get a fake ID and exploit the public assistance afforded to citizens of this country. I am not racist and have no problem with people coming to this country to make a better life LEGALLY.  Work, pay taxes and if need help then so be it.  I cannot respect anyone who looks to take shortcuts or cheats the system.  

The above is just the tip of the iceberg.  It frustrates me that those who want to work and not rely on charity struggle and those who could care less about making their own way live well.  It just makes no sense.... And most get so caught up in their day to day struggles that they don't even realize it.  It's shameful!!!

Wake up and smell the coffee- Bipolar and Alcoholism

Alcoholism/Substance abuse and bipolar disorder commonly co-occur.  Studies have indicated they co-occur at higher than expected rates which explains the epidemic of narcotic/illicit substance addiction, alcoholism, poly-pharm abuse, broken homes, increased unemployment statistics and overdose death rates.  

In my professional and personal encounters I have personally witnessed the devastation bi-polar disorder exacerbated by substance abuse brings to the life of the individual and their family.  I have found that the mood swings and poor impulse control leads the individual to find a pathway to modulate their dysfunctional brain chemistry.  One person that I am acquainted with personally, has chosen alcohol and illicit drugs in attempt to cope.  His alcohol use began at or around age 15 and has progressed to the present that finds most of his waking hours consumed with thoughts and actual use of alcohol.  His life is riddled with broken relationships, legal issues, poor employment history and numerous psychiatric hospitalizations.  I am most intrigued as to how the two disorders interact to completely blind him to the cumulative effect of each on the other and the direct cause and effect relationship to the many issues in his life. The overt function of his mental illness creates a delusional existence in which he is always the victim and he has formed elaborate falsehood justifications for every negative consequence in his life. 

   it's fairly obvious that the introduction of mind altering chemicals into the brain doesn't exactly help to sustain mental stability. With almost all recreational drugs there is some kind of "high" associated with experience. That's why people do it. But following any substance induced high, there's almost always the experience of coming down. And usually that translates into a "low" mood feeling.

   Drinking a beer or glass of wine has been scientific proven to present some positive health benefits and is not an issue if one is able to apply good judgment and adequate impulse control. The problem is that everyone with bipolar disorder intermittently becomes hypomanic or manic. It's what defines the diagnosis. And in these elevated mood states, bipolar individuals almost always experience some degree of impaired impulse control. During the elevated mood phase they're usually feeling up, energized, gregarious, cognitively accelerated and creative.  The problem is that once their mood extends above the mildly elevated range, they often lose the capacity to modulate or turn down their mood-related intensity. It's like the wheels of hypomania become lubricated and they keep picking up speed.  That's what's wrong with alcohol-related disinhibition. It further greases the wheels of elevated mood. The challenge faced by those with bipolar disorder is one of figuring out how to do the opposite. They've got to become skillful at applying the brakes and slowing back down to a healthy speed.  To do so however, they have to show some degree of desire to change and begins with not introducing alcohol or other mind-altering substances outside of their psychiatrist prescribed medication designed to assist them in obtaining stability.  Then the real work begins- re-integrating back into normal society and repairing all the damage done through their self-centeredness.

Karma and Impulsive Behavior

Karma can be defined as the total effect of one's actions. A given cause will lead to an action and will have a given effect. For example, being envious and coveting the spouse of another (cause), will cause a negative action (effect) more than likely from the offended person but definitely in some area of the offenders life. The offender, when suffering a mental illness (statistics prove the majority that seek to destroy anothers marital relationship are mentally ill), generally take the "victim" role and proceed to make other bad choices in response to the negative consequences experienced.  In light of this, the offender becomes trapped in 
their own karmic web. Constantly being formed by the cause and effect of their actions.  Whether they choose to over-indulge in alcohol and other substances, seek to ignore societal boundaries and find themselves on a path of numerous legal issues, alienating their family through their decisions, all will mesh together to find the offender continually denying their responsibility and creating a delusional existence justifying their negative actions.  This path is characteristic of sociopathology and borderline personality disorder.  Imagine if you would how Hollywood depicts the classic mental hospital scene- patients sitting in a room, some painting, some sitting around tables with crayons, others sitting staring blankly through barred windows.  Each patient pictured is engaging in the form of self-expression (coping strategy) that they have chosen to bring their unhealthy delusions into existence in a safe manner.  Each person, prior to being hospitalized, has a story of those same delusions being acted out and most in a destructive manner.  I have blogged in the past about how mental illness, specifically Border-line and sociopathic disorders, will bring about a level of perceived creativity in the sufferer.  Many times the creativity is therapeutic as long as the mindset isn't one of denial.  If the sufferer has not atoned for their wrong doings and they justify themselves as a victim then karma continues to feed their negative existence. 

One can escape karma no more than they can gravity although I believe what we focus on is what we attract.  If an individual lives blaming others for the mistakes they make and always maintain the mindset that they are a victim then they will attract negative consequences due to their negative thoughts and actions.  I have seen people who continually find themselves in difficult situations and culture the victim mentality.  They develop a bitterness toward authority and boundaries only to find themselves frequently experiencing negative consequences from ignoring legal establishments and normal relationships.  Combined with active mental illness, their issues are magnified. It is interesting that these individuals focus on simple or token good deeds and believe that the few they perform completely erases the severe negative deeds that define their existence.  When caught and faced with the consequences, they attempt to deflect or ascribe fault to everyone but themselves.  The simple truth is that one can't run, can't hide from karma.  For every negative action their is a consequence.  There is no scorecard, no storage pool where good karma builds up to stand to negate the negative.  You reap what you sow.  If one betrays established boundaries, negative consequences will hunt them down and make all wrongs, right.  That is a universal law.  All those that were injured in some way have to do is sit back and watch the show.