Sociopath = Coward

You can enter a room and find ways to entertain the guests even though you rather avoid crowds. People are attracted to your sense of humor and charm. You are the life of the party and appear to have your act together. People would never guess that you are very insecure and fearful of rejection. You experience difficulties managing your strong feelings of frustration and anger. You enter relationships with persons that easily submit to your viewpoints and demonstrate blind allegiance. Isn’t a relationship where someone hangs to your every word, deed, a sustainable one? How long can a person demonstrate unconditional acceptance to each of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors? Many with this personality type grew up in environments where emotional, physical, or sexual abuse was present. They were made to feel unworthy of the love of a parent and many times turned to drugs or alcohol to cope with feelings of rejection and insecurity. Like the nurturer/sabotager, the charmer/attacker attempted to find acceptance through peace-making behavior. Many times, he was not successful and found solace from friends, drugs, music, and other moral relative themes. He learned his social presentation from the media and social functions with peers. He found that drug usage helped to alleviate his feelings of insecurity and fear when with others.
Persons addicted to drugs or alcohol can possess many of the personality traits of the charmer/attacker. The charmer/attacker gains a sense of control by keeping relationships with others that unconditionally accepting his behavior. Many times, a nurturer/sabotager is attracted to this personality type due to charmer’s ability to utilize humor, and charm to present to the nurturer that he or she is needed and valued. This is not to say that the charmer/attacker does not need the nurturer. He is very compatible with someone that will avoid conflict and ensure harmony in the relationship. The charmer/attacker usually does not remain committed to one partner in a relationship. Due to drug abuse and/or the lack of substance in his relationship, he is easily lured to one-night stands and other high-risk activities. When these or any of his activities are challenged, he will become aggressive and threatening in attempts to regain control of the relationship. His feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection will be tapped, which will contribute to his pathological responses of projecting blame and making empty promises. His years of hurt and anger will surface in verbal, and physical attacks. He will use intimidation and abusive tactics to deal with relationship problems and force his partner to submit to his will. Initially, he may use his charm and make promises to change his behavior. As his credibility declines, he will revert to psychological and physical tactics to control the relationship. Domestic violence is a common theme in this relationship.
The charmer/attacker is a person that takes from the world to gratify his needs without considering the consequences of his actions. Many anti-social (sociopath) characteristics can be found in this personality type. The charmer wants to world to yield to his needs and performs contrived acts of love and respect to attract others to give him what he wants. He has not internalized the concepts of love, respect, and honesty due to his egocentric views and constant pursuit of self-gratification. Remember, as a child this person was rejected and had turned to other outlets for his needs. He never developed the concept of morality other than what he learned from morally relative themes. His destructive behavior usually continues until he suffers severe life consequences such as incarceration, or near death experiences. The charmer/attacker can be very skilled at presenting a caring and loving message to others but only does so to get what he wants. He may initially reciprocate positive virtuous behavior, but he will perform these virtues less and less as the relationship goes forward.
In relation to challenging his behaviors, once he realizes that he no longer intimidates and his antics such as creative writing attempts are no longer effective or being scrutinized and experiences the negative consequences to physical altercations, he will disappear altogether.  Many instances will find him sinking into a depression because he no longer has "complete" control over situations specifically those that bring the eye of public scrutiny on him.  Further implosion will follow in that close family relationships that he was fortunate to maintain such as with a sister (enabler) will be damaged and communication cut off.  He will remain in the background until such time he feels that the attention that his actions have brought has subsided.    He creates the issues and consequences and in some cases the individuals that are caught and hurt in his deceit, delusions and drive to satisfy only himself stand ready to once again expose him for who he actually is for the remainder of his life.  That is necessary when dealing with a sociopath and is his biggest fear.  The only way to safeguard others is to inform.  Backing down and "forgetting" is what he expects and anticipates so remove those words from your vocabulary while remembering that he is a coward that is dealing with childhood abuse by abusing and disregarding boundaries as an adult.  One reaps what one sows. 

Post Thanksgiving Ponderings

I find myself sitting back today watching some football and thinking about a successful Thanksgiving. Thoughts of all the things and people in my life for which I am truly blessed. I am thankful for my family- wife, sons and grandson. I am thankful for my parents and the education my father worked hard to make sure that I received and as a pass thru, the work ethic he bestowed to me by example. Regardless of what some may think or say, I am thankful that the education and work ethic has allowed me to have material things such as a nice house, nice cars and many "big boy toys". Even more so I am humbled that I have the ability and means to give the "wants" and not just the "needs" to my wife and children. "Things" do make life more enjoyable. I look back at the early years of our marriage, the "just starting out time" when we were determined to make life the way we wanted with no ones help especially those who said "we would never make it". We had big dreams then and everyone around us wanted to make sure we "understood reality". The days of Spam and beans has give way to steak and lobster but we are comfortable knowing that aside from our cholesterol, we would fare just fine that way again. Truth is, we are survivors and strip away all and we would remain "just fine". The difference is, we realize our blessings aren't "rights". We understand that the world owes us nothing and we are "entitled" to absolutely nothing. It comes down to knowing who you are and where you come from. I know we could live off the land just as well as living in the isles at Whole Foods. Reality is that to have something you have to fight to get it and more importantly fight to keep it. As most know its a struggle to make ends meet and it is only getting more difficult. Today people are too willing to give up.... To take the path of least resistance or to live a deceitful life always trying to take the things and people that one has fought so hard to maintain.
It's those parasites(criminals) that feel they are "entitled" to the things they desire. It's those individuals that has embraced and perpetuated the mentality that has led this country to the edge of disaster. Marriages are destroyed, children growing up without one parent, drug abuse and crime rates are at an all time high. All because men and women have lost sight of what it means to "work" to make their way. The boiler plate is lack of character and integrity. A person who stands up to fight back is said to be a "bully" and "stomps on people" by the parasites. Truth is the "parasite" is so used to getting "taken care of" by the government that they feel that everyone should just give up and roll over while they get exactly what they want. One thing I have to say to that- "Not in my lifetime will I ever just give in!" Don't get me wrong, I will give anyone in need the shirt off my back if need be but should someone, anyone attack the well being of my family regardless of the rationalization in their diluted mind I will never give in and will forever pursue retribution. That's something else I am thankful for in my upbringing in the mountains of Kentucky. I know who i am, know where I am from and I am proud of both. "You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy!" The mountains of Kentucky and growing up in "Bloody Harlan" instilled in me a desire to "do the right thing" and "to be loyal to my friends and family. The Marine Corp instilled faithfulness and brotherhood (Semper Fidelis- Always Faithful. ). To be successful in life one has to be loyal and faithful to God, Family, Country, Friends and Employers. There is nothing else.... It's that simple and for that I am the most thankful of all.

Low Self Esteem and Destructive Behavior

Many people who have bipolar disorder struggle with low self-esteem. Early experiences can greatly impact the outlook we have about ourselves. Abuse, neglect, and abandonment can influence self-esteem throughout our lives. Being harshly criticized, being ignored, ridiculed, or teased, being expected to be "perfect" all the time either at home or at school can affect self-esteem. Low self-esteem can also come from inconsistent or critical parenting. People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self.
While things in our childhood may affect how we view ourselves, an experience later in life may also be the cause. Often those with a physical disability or mental illness -including bipolar disorder - feel as if they are lacking in some way or don't measure up.Some people do not believe they are likeable, pretty, or successful. Even when given positive information, they still see the negatives in themselves. It becomes a never-ending cycle. Low self-esteem can also affect relationships if one depends greatly on the other to maintain their self-image.Some Signs of Low Self-Esteem

• Self-consciousness
• Shyness
• Over-sensitivity
• Feelings of rejection
• Inability to make decisions
• Attacking others or their character
• Attention seeking
• Aggression

 Other signs and behaviors that can indicate self-esteem problems:

• Pride
  If one is genuinely self-confident, there is no need for pride; only an empty balloon can be "blown up." To cover up their own insecurity, a fair amount of people act out pride, as if they are better than others, but only because they lack self-confidence.
  
• Improper humility
  Regarding oneself not as equal to others, but as less than others. Humility is a positive quality as it avoids pride and is other-centered, often driven by active compassion for others. Lack of self-confidence however, is often self-centered (feeling sorry for oneself and looking for excuses to not change your own situation) and it paralyzes you from doing positive actions.
  
• Idolizing people
  Overestimating others is based on - or will easily lead to - underestimating oneself.

Low self-esteem reduces your chances of success in life. It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. No matter how badly you want to reach a goal, low self-esteem will hold you back every time. When you don't value yourself and lack self-esteem, it will work against you and undermine you. If you do not believe in yourself, who will? Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive behavior.

Individuals who suffer bi-polar disorder and ASPD battle with issues of low self-esteem.  This leads them to engage in self-destructive choices especially involving relationships. All individuals who are or have been involved in extra-marital affairs have low self-esteem, specifically the unmarried participant.  In one particular case, a man whom for the purpose of this illustration will  be called Dan, has low self esteem, actively seeks relationships in bars or who are married.  He presents himself as very self confident and is perceived to have a big ego and over time reveals himself to be very arrogant. It is important to note that Dan is bipolar and has ASPD.  The disorders have led him to make extremely destructive decisions over the course of his life resulting in a long legal/arrest history, broken marriage and family, inability to maintain employment.  Actually his ego and arrogance is a self defense mechanism due to the little boy on the inside who doesn't feel good about himself. He seeks outside of himself for validation of his worthiness, attractiveness and sexual prowess. He is addicted to that validation and will always be that way unless he goes through significant psychotherapy, usually for a period of years.  Dan chooses to target women in bars because they are generally less inhibited or intoxicated due to alcohol consumption thus more gullible to his dishonesty and unable to pick up on his aberrhant behavior.  When they target married women and actually consumate the relationship, it is truly in attempt to validate to themselves that they are  worthy. Reality is that in their choice to seek a relationship with another that is committed to someone else just proves that he is unable and unworthy to have a normal relationship and will be so until counseling is sought to overcome his psychiatric issues.  Dan however has had numerous psyciatric hospital admissions over his lifetime to no avail due to his arrogance which impedes his awareness that he has a problem.  Healthy and stable individuals need not look for a relationship in bars nor will they seek a relationship with someone in a committed relationship.  Healthy and stable individuals realize that you only find one thing in bars(sex) and that messing with a married individual can lead to physical harm and even death.  Truth be told, people want someone to share their lives with that is committed to them.  A person cant be committed to two.  People in their right mind know this and will not accept anything less. 

Eight Reasons that People Cheat on Their Partners

It is natural for people to be attracted to someone other than their spouse while they are married; the problem arises when they act upon it. Some people would argue that it is okay for someone to veer once in a while from their relationship; others would end their marriage over an affair.

What are the reasons that people risk loosing their spouse?

 1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship. This was the most common reason cited by individuals in a recent broad study. Both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, the sex is not working out for them.

2. Desire for additional sexual encounters. This was a relatively infrequent reason cited by the individuals in this study. It’s possible that more people had this as a reason but didn’t want to admit to it as it is not a very socially desirable wish to articulate. For example, one man in the study stated that he felt he needed more sex in his life to reward him for performing well at his job.

3. Lack of emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship. Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy. Participants who stated the need for emotional closeness in an affair felt they were lacking a connection to their primary partners.

4. Wanting emotional validation from someone else. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other. Partners may grow apart and, as they do, fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in their relationship.

5. Falling out of love with your partner. This was a relatively insignificant reason in the study, perhaps because “love” is so difficult to define. In the grand scheme of things, having sexual and emotional intimacy seems to trump love.  I would add as well that people cant "fall out of love" just as we cant "fall in love" like it is something that just happens.  Loving someone is a CHOICE.  To "fall" implies that it is something we cant help or control.  Just as there is no such thing as "love at first sight."  It is "lust" at first sight but never love.  The choice to love someone can only occur through spending time getting to know the other person. 

6. Falling in love with someone new. Very few people indicated that they had fallen head over heels for the person with whom they had the affair. Again, emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray.-- Again, we dont "fall" in love, we "choose to love".  People involved in an affair are immersed in Lust and through the fog misinterpret the feeling as love. 

7. You’re wanting to seek revenge. In a relationship that is already suffering, the desire to hurt a partner who is (or is perceived as) cheating seems to raise the stakes significantly from mere lack of intimacy.This is a very real threat and reason.  "whats good for the goose is good for the gander" mentality.  Isnt the betrayed spouse justified in their feelings of revenge? 

8. You’re curious and want new experiences. People who cited this reason felt that they wanted something new, this motivation went beyond curiosity and into some type of contest to measure their sexual prowess. It might have been less complicated for them to compete on the tennis court or golf course, but the allure of someone and something new led them to choose this particular form of challenge. 

 

I would like to add another reason to the list.  Many would look at it and say that it belongs in the either the "emotional validation" or  "seeking revenge" categories but I believe it to be on the opposite end of both since it generally occurs in response to being cheated on.  Spouses should be the one individual in the others life that is most important.  They should never be second in the heart of the spouse.  When a spouse is betrayed it is an extremely painful event.  The one person whom you thought you could trust and should place you above all others commits adultery (physical or emotional makes no differene) thus sending the message to the betrayed spouse that they are not special as they should be.  This can lead many into a downward spiral searching for the feeling of once again being "the one and only".... Looking for the place that a spouse should occupy in the heart and mind of the other.  This finds the betrayed spouse being vulnerable to someone, anyone that is interested in allowing him/her to occupy that space in their lives.  This is not about validation and it is not about revenge.... Its about survival.  The longer two people are married the harder the betrayal and the greater the drive to once again feel the safety, peace and joy that become the daily existence for the betrayed spouse and was discarded by the betraying spouse.  Many call it trust but it is much deeper.  Its a chaotic feeling.... A life in which the betrayed spouse wanders in disbelief, anger, low self-confidence and agony at the death of a person that they thought would never willingly choose to cause them pain.  When one finds themselves in such a place, it is very easy, tempting and less daunting to perceive that it is best to find what they lost in someone different.... It brings about a high degree of anxiety and requires great fortitude to seek it in the person that is responsible for the loss in the first place.  One however must stop and remember that to place your feelings of well being in the hands of another is setting themselves up for disappointment. 

 

 

Real Life Example....

I recently was reminded of a response that a sociopath composed in reply to his criminal history being exposed.

The Comment: "A criminal is different in your mind and mine.For one I do believe that you are a criminal for stalking me, for making every attempt to discredit me. I am not hidding from anyone. You need to get a grip on your life and stop worring about mine. Your mothers and your fathers. That is their life. Though it does seem to affect you quite a bit. Glad that you can not mention anything that I have done good, you think by slandering me that no one will want me, that is a long line and you are in the short line. People make mistakes and we move on. 35 criminal charges yeah 28 came from a fishing trip where the officer did not want to go to the car for my id and was attempting to give me a poaching ticket for not having my dl on me. What you failed to research is that all charges were droped i was granted a settlement from the police department and the officer was dismissed. As far as the filling a false police report yeah i did it. I went outside there was a body in the bushes and I called the police thinking that there was someone there dead. They came out and gave me a ticket for him not being deade. I should have faught that but did not have the time so I paid the fine. And as far as being an extra what the hell have you done with your life. What the hell do you think that you will be able to do with your life with an attitude such as yours. I will harrass anyone and everyone that I am upset with. Get bent. Them most amout of damage that has happened here is that you have found a way to let off steam and imbarrass yourself. And there is noting wrong with working at mcdonalds. I respect anyone that gets up and goes to work. There is no disrespect involved in worknig for a living. I once met a black man at a gas station somewhere in the mid west. I held the door for him and his friend as they walked up. The first black man said that I dont need you to hold the door for me, I said that it was ok and that I have been a door stop for most of my life. He yelled and screamed but I held the door and he went it. The second black man said after his friend went in that there is no shame in being a door stop but you should always be the best doorstop that you can. Be proud of who you are and what you do no matter what anyone else thinks of it. I wuould hope that that story helps you but I do not think that it will."
Reality is that his criminal record began early on in 1994 with the latest entry being 2011. It was true that included issues with fish and wildlife in the state of California but only three (3) citations. The other 42 entries spanned many years, included assault and battery(on a female and law enforcement), DUI, stalking (trespassing) and numerous other violations. In his dysfunctional mind however, his pride has him "manufacturing" a false reality in line with the hidden agenda that is delusional sociopathology. The author of the comment exposing his criminal and parasitic nature had stated that a job of any sort such as McDonalds should be sought by him instead of living off the tax payers. Notice how he attempted to turn around the communication in an ineffective attempt to take the position of superiority. That combined with his arrogance is classic sociopath behavior. He will never except that he is mentally ill, will never take accountability of his criminal nature, will always seek to attempt to manipulate everyone he comes in contact. He allowed this behavior destroy his marriage, led him to not be a father to his children and prevents him from maintaining gainful, meaningful employment.
A criminal living off of government assistance is the life he chooses because he refuses to see the issues in his life arose because of his choices and decisions to disregard boundaries- societal, legal, spiritual and moral. Always will his life difficulties be the cause of others and living with such a victims mentality leads one to victimize others and feel justified in doing so. Sad, sad life.. Numerous Mental hospital admissions was just another waste of public resources for he learned nothing to allow him to be a productive and honorable member of society.
Now about the "extra" comment in his response. He was raised in a military family that like most move around frequently. I expect it to be a lonely life. He told a girl in the mid to late 80's that he was moving because "he got a role a one of the Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles and was required to relocate for the film." This shows the extent of brain damage done through early exposure to alcohol but more importantly shows a genetic imbalance leading to pathological lying. In the comment leading to his quoted response, he was called out on that fact. He then proceeds to state that he was an "extra" in that film as he was in two other major films of that time. His claim was investigated further through actually contacting the production company responsible for extra staffing which revealed his claim to be dishonest (as expected and true to pathological lying and delusions of grandeur). Consistent with his mental disorder when the world was informed of his false claims, he lashed out in anger stating, "I answer to no one!!!" Funny how someone who lectured on pride and arrogance in his attempt to establish superiority regressed to juvenile arrogance when "light illuminated the dark corners In his life." All because he encountered someone who 1. Was by no means and in no shape or form afraid of him.... 2. Actually more intelligent than he believes himself to be. 3. Refused to allow his disregard for moral and ethical boundaries to impact his life negatively. A manipulative person is far less appealing and even appalling when they are exposed.

Stages women experience during their long-term relationship

A long term study has found that women are the one’s initiating 70-75% of all divorces.  In the study it was discovered that women are most likely to divorce in their late twenties and early thirties, after about four years of marriage. Women have pre-midlife crisis’s that are similar to the midlife crisis’s that men have, but with a big difference that she states can make women more likely to cheat than men.  After years of interviewing women, the study revealed certain patterns and behaviors that were put into the“stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages initiate with a loss of sexual desire.

The 4 Stages:

Stage 1
Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.

 Stage 2

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involve sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.

Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves.

Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.

Stage 3

Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.

These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.

Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.
The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”
Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.

Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.

Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.

Truth be told if  one cant hold true to their vows then they are useless liars and deserve to be unhappy the rest of their lives. 

DRAIN BAMAGE....

A continuation of an excellent example of the "First Use Prinicple" and the thought process impediment that is technically brain damage.  Again this is a recent Facebook post of the same 41yr old ASPD and Bipolar male that has had numerous psyciatric hosptial admissions, alcoholic, a significant legal history, inability to maintain relationships, no capacity to maintain gainful employment and has no respect for established boundaries (personal or societal).  If you look closely you will see the flow of his adolescent delusion focused on the "reptialian brain processes" instead of those of the neo-cortex.  His early and frequent use of alcohol and other drugs prevented full development of his brain which complicates his diagnosed disorders. 

"Some nights are made for lying in bed, listening to the rain on the roof
Some nights are made for siting on the front porch, talking about times gone by
Some nights are made for worrying, about what’s going to happen tomorrow
But some nights, Like tonight
Are made for letting go
Getting out and having fun
Bringing life, back to life
Drinking way too much
Smoking way too much
Shaking it out on the dance floor
Waking up in the back seat of the car down by the river
Stuck in the mud, wondering where all of our cloths are
Some nights
Some nights, like tonight
Some nights, like tonight" -- FB post DR...

The things he sees as important to "bring life, back to life" is "drinking way too much", "smoking way to much" and "shaking it out on the dance floor". (lol). (with his beer gut, shaking would turn into wobbling and once going couldnt get it to stop)..  Very juvenile.  Then to go further, "waking up in the back seat of the car down by the river, stuck in the mud, wondering where all  our cloths are".... Must be the white trash version of a good time.  Women that have pride in themselves that I know dont see that as a good time but rather, as one so eloquently put it, "that's the cheap ass sluts idea of a good time.  Would need to see the dr afterwards for a shot of antibiotics".  However, I guess if one is cheap white trash such as he is then it is not hard to fathom them having a good time.  I cant imagine a woman, actually knowing anything about psychology or atleast having pride in herself, would want to associate with a man with this degree of drain bamage.  Sometimes we get to a place where you just have to tell someone, "Grow up, stop being an imbecile.  Your embarrassing yourself through the thoughts in your mind that should never leave your mind.  Your a grown ass man and in trying to portray your life as you see it in your damaged mind only attracts those whose minds are just as damaged." Fact is, a woman who would read the above and want to drink, smoke, shake and wake up with you isnt worth having and not a loss in the adult world.  Stop embarassing yourself, take your medicine and act like the father you have never been. 

"NONE OF THE ABOVE"

I know who I plan to vote for and fully intend to so so because it is my right, duty and privilege just as it is with every American citizen. However, the following Facebook post is an example of the mentality and "faulty" thinking of the individual that has been discussed and is evidence of the damage in brain development done due to the "first use principle". It's individuals such as this that are the reason our country has come to the place it is.... The logic is non-existent, it starts with the mention of alcohol(surprise), proceeds to show contempt of successful individuals and in a seriously flawed attempt to minimize his own background suggests that an ex-con(criminal) would make better decisions for the citizens of this country in the highest or second highest office in the USA.

"Everything in life should be productive. Not true the founders of this country all distilled liquor and sold it, well that was productive in filling their pockets. The Kennedys brought it in during the time of probation. No one in this country has not found fortune without the help of what is in demand, as people will always demand a break from reality. People want to let go of the day to day mundane life that most all of us live. Weather it is to become a holy roller or a drunk or just not spend money on anything to save for something that means something to them. There are those of us that will never change. Change is the hardest thing a person will ever be able to do. Why would you want to stop being happy to try something that is not a sure thing. That is what hinders change. The United States incarnates more people than any other country on earth. In order to get to the top you must have never faced a personal issue. You must have never had to put one knee to the ground and say I cannot take it. You must have never did anything wrong. Do you really know who you are voting for? One way or other both should never hold office. Why you ask. They are both liars. They have never had a problem in their life; they have never done anything wrong. You cannot trust them and should never expect them to do anything in your favor if it does not do something for them in their favor. Put a single father in office or a single mother. Put a convict in office. But do not put some rich bastard that has no idea as to what life is about. A single parent knows how to stretch a dollar and say no that would be nice to have but it is not wise to spend money that way. Make the vice president a convict. They are blunt they are rude and do not believe in giving away anything. The current government owns all of the oil rights that are another problem. A convict would say stop trying to steal my shit motherfucker or I am going to put a cap in your ass. A convict would say to the world hey this is my place this is my house I do not go into yours and try to fuck with anything and if you come into mine, I do not give a fuck who you call god you are going to meet them in a minute if you do. Now let’s bounce back to health care. The person in charge of that should be or have been at one time unemployed and or homeless. Someone that knows what it is like to need to be fixed but afraid to ask for help since they have noting and will not get proper treatment and be stuck with a bill that no one can afford to pay. They would change that shit quick. So there you have it the budget will get fixed we will be safe and we will have health care. Congress and the senate are in the same boat they are just using the American people for whatever they can get out of them, no more no less. I have registered to vote. And I am casting my vote now. None of the above.
I forgot why I started to write this. It was about the war on drugs. The US spends 48 billion dollars a year on something that they cannot control. I was at a bar here in CA and I was in the smoking section and they were smoking pot there. I accept that since it is not against the law. And furthermore I accept it in general. Once it was against the law to have a drink as it was and to smoke a smoke it has begun its change. I know that no one likes change but the sooner that you accept it the sooner you can get on with your life."

The "none of the above" crap sounded good in the movie which made the phrase but in the "real world" this is the slogan of cowards and imbeciles. Yes, change happens whether we want it to or not but in this case outside of the misplaced lament over legality and labeling, we have a say in the best choice of two not so great options. It is what it is and to hide ones head in the sand is simply irresponsible and status quo for cowards. If one keeps doing the same things over and over expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Fact is in this individuals case the definition fits not only as evidenced in the above post but as is his life. Certifiably insane.

BIPOLAR, CREATIVITY AND ALCOHOLISM...

Studies of earlier generations of artists and writers show that they have 18 times the rate of suicide as compared to the general population, 8-10 times the rate of clinical depression, and 10-20 times the rate of bipolar disorder. These studies provide evidence that there is a correlation between bipolar disorder and perceived creativity whether through music, poetry, writings and art. The question now is not whether or not there exists a connection between the two, but why it exists.    One feature in mania or hypomania is the increase in unusually creative thinking and productivity. Manic people often speak and think in rhyme and/or alliteration more than non-manic people. The lifestyles of manic-depressives during a manic episode are comparable to those of creative people. They function on very little sleep, are restless, and they both exhibit emotions. The manic individual perceives life as one without limits. This allows for creativity because he/she feels capable of anything. It is as if the walls, which inhibit the general population, do not exist for the manic person, pushing them to attempt creativity. Many perceive, during an episode, that they understand a part of art, music, and literature, which normal people can not.  This narcissism is characteristic during mania.       The manic state is vastly different to the depressive state in bipolar patients. In their depressed state, they only see gloom and boundaries and most experience feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. It is actually out of this despair that their attempted creativity flows. In many cases this is therapeutic in that it is the only outlet bipolar individual can navigate through their episode of depression.  It is during this time that they can work through their negative feelings. It becomes a anchor to reality and  is often the only way the person with bipolar disorder can cope .    The times of adjustment between the manic episodes and depressive episodes can be difficult. Examining an individuals works of literature or music can reveal which phase of  the disorder they  were in at the time of composition. The manic state and depressive phase are so disorienting that the ideas and delusions that manifest during these episodes are generally organized during the normal times between episodes.  Through this one is able to "map" the phases in each individual.
Co-morbid factors play a role in determining the the onset, length and severity of the depressive and manic phases thus play a variable in the mapping process. The major factor is substance use and abuse. Studies have shown that bipolar disorder is often accompanied with a substance abuse disorder, very often it is alcohol abuse. Typically one would see a maturity in the flood of ideas that are incorporated into the attempted creativity in a bipolar individual in the absence of alcohol.  In the presence of alcohol or other substance, one generally finds a rudimentary primal aspect to the creativity, finding their topics or "centerpieces" hinging around violence, sex, substance use and more profoundly memories of loss from the days of their youth.  I believe this is important because alcohol damages brain development when age of use started at 15yrs old or earlier.  
   Alcoholism is a disease of addiction (which is a chronic, relapsing brain disease), and that alcohol affects the teen brain differently because of the critical brain development occurring from ages 12 through 20, often until age 25.  It was thought in the medical and scientific community  that the brain was fully developed by adolescence. We now know it’s not. There is a critical developmental stage identified as pruning and strengthening that goes on during the teen years and on into college and even beyond. Pruning is when neural connections (called gray matter) that are not used fall away (get “pruned”), and those that are used get strengthened, which makes the remaining neural connections more efficient.  The brain develops from back to front- This means that the portions of the brain that deal with emotion, memory, learning, motivation and judgment are the last to develop and, as such, are the most deeply affected by alcohol (or drug abuse) during ages 12 through 20, often through age 25. For example, if a teen abuses alcohol, the neural connections associated with memories and experiences related to alcohol abuse are the ones that are strengthened and thus embedded. By the same token, neural connections damaged by or not used because of alcohol abuse (those related to learning or judgment, for example) are pruned or not strengthened. This late stage brain development also explains why people who abuse alcohol don't know why they do some of the things they do, and why they take risks they likely would not engage in if they had a fully developed brain and the hindsight (memories and experiences) that go with it. 
    Age of first use, independent of other factors (e.g., genetics, environment, mental health issues such as ADHD, depression, bi-polar, ASPD and PTSD), strongly predicts the development of a lifelong addiction to alcohol.  Individuals who begin drinking before the age of 15 are five times more likely to develop problems with alcohol than those who start after 21.  For each year a teen delays alcohol use, their chances of becoming dependent (addicted to alcohol) drops by 14%.  The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) reports that one-half of alcoholics were addicted by age 21, and 2/3 were addicted by age 25. Okay, enough with the biochem lesson on addiction.
This knowledge is helpful in the mapping model.  Just by observing the creative works- poetry, literature, paintings, drawings, music one can determine if alcohol or other substances began at an early age and consequently continues as an addiction.  The "higher brain or neo-cortex functions" will present as poorly developed or even non-existent.  Their ideas and "creativity" will spawn within their limbic system (reptilian brain) as evidenced as driven by emotion and self-centeredness.  Below is an example of a "poem" as written by a 41 year old male- Type 1 Bipolar with an age of first use of alcohol prior to age 15 and continued use to date. 

"forgit"
 When I look back on this life that I have led
I remember, I can’t forget
My first love my first love indeed
I was in, on fire
From the first moment that we met
The torcher of you love has brought me here this far
Somebody poor me another drink
Somebody poor me another drink...

Somebody poor me another drink

 All of your lies confused the hell out of me
Take another moment make me believe
I remember I can’t forget
Make me believe everything you say to me
My heart is broken I can’t even begin to sleep

 Somebody poor me another drink
Somebody poor me another drink
Somebody poor me another drink

(ends with:  "forgit brought to you by vodka and cranberry")

 

This was written as a result of a depressive episode during which he dealt with thoughts of his ex-wife and their failed marriage as a result of his "issues".  Notice the title is a reference to memories and how the thoughts during his depression brought him to a place of looking back on his life.  The flow is choppy at best... very juvenile in presentation.  More importantly however look at the importance being placed on alcohol.  His entire life has seen alcohol holding a high place of esteem as a consequence of his young age of first use.  It has played a role in the severity of his mental illness and aided as an accomplice in the destruction of his marriage, deterioration of family relationships, history of legal issues, inability to maintain relationships and made it impossible to hold gainful employment. 

Another from the same individual: (states this is a song he has been working on)

"stop"
  do you hear that
that sound that is ringing in your ears
that is your heart beat
it is letting you know that you have realy messed up this time
i know you have been talking
you have been talking alot of shit
it doesnt bother me
but this time you have gone too far...

your headed for a good old fashion
ass beating
their aint no fight for flight
just the hospital emergancy room
boy i hope that you go insurance

do you hear that
that ringing in your ears
its your heartbeat
letting you know
you messed up

 

The flow of ideas in this case materialized in a manic phase.  Notice the focal point being violence.  Again it is extremely juvenile and ridiculous.  The delusion played out in his mind stimulated a sense of well being for the time and place that he was at that moment however it was just a delusion and short-lived.  Reality is far different than fantasy. 

 

Same individual... One more "song that he is working on":

did you see her
walk in the door
everybody stoped
everybody staired
she is the kind of girl
that every man wants
she is the kind of girl
that every woman hates
she's got the hair
she's got the top..

but dam
she's got the ass
the ass that won't quit
maken every man in the house dream about all night long
yeah
she's that kinda girl

 

Again, thoughts manifested during a manic phase... Written the same time of the previous.  The focus once again is a limbic reptilian impulse.... Sex.  Highly adolescent in process and extremely ridiculous.  The three examples focus on drugs, violence and sex.  Reveals alcohol induced damage to the neo-cortex consistent with the results of the scientific research.  Take into consideration Type 1 Bipolar Disorder and abstinence from alcohol, consistent CBT and medicaiton management is necessary to live a productive life.  Otherwise the old saying holds true.... "if you continue doing the same things you will continue getting the same."  In this case more fractured relationships, depressive drunken regrets of marital dissolution, legal issues, and continued cycles of unemployment. 

 

SOCIOPATH SAYS: YESTERDAY I WAS.... TODAY I AM.. "NOTHING BUT A LIAR..."

The ASPD(sociopath) main manipulative tactic is pathological lying. One particular individual that is a DSM confirmed, has stated to various women, depending on his hidden agenda, to have worked for an oil drilling company that allowed him to travel all over the world but was "injured" and the company "privately" pays him disability every month. (Not highly likely in that every corporation pays into social security and disability monthly for such occasions). He has stated that he was a nightclub promotor and DJ (the loose truth is that he did assist with music at a small time bar in a tiny armpit town but posting live band ads for the "dive" on MySpace is a far cry from bring a promoter and sitting in a bar drinking does not make one a DJ or anything else for that matter except an alcoholic). Tonight he, when critiquing a music post on Facebook and trying to portray himself as an expert, stated that he had "been around a few days" and that he has worked as a DJ, Roadie, and "owned his own sound company" since 1986 so he knew the style of music would not be received well. Funny thing is, with just a little math reveals that in 1986 he was 16 years old and in high school so how in the hell could he have "been on the road" as a roadie while "working" for the oil drilling company. He has made other claims of more "respectable and lucrative" employment depending on the woman he was trying to manipulate. The delusions of grandeur have led him to claim that he was an actor in three semi-popular movies from the late 80's and early 90's. When "BS" was called on that lie he backpedaled saying he was cast as an "extra". To reveal his open deceit to his "target" at that moment, the companies responsible for casting were contacted to verify or debunk his claim. Each of the three companies were very helpful in that they reviewed meticulous records (IRS data) and reported that he had not been involved in the films to any degree. One representative made fun of his claim stating that "standing behind the rope watching as a spectator as a scene is being shot does not constitute being an extra. Also, looking at his criminal record- the types of offenses and the State/County of arrest and court appearances from 1993 to 2011 (looks more like a career criminal) stands to disprove his claims of all but the karaoke set up he called "DJ" and a "sound company. Couple this with The frequency of his numerous psychiatric hospital admissions (Dorthea Dix and other facilities) and one begins to visualize the depth of his delusions and degree of his dishonesty. Truth be known he receives "disability" only it is due to his psychiatric deficiencies through governmental welfare system.
It is a tragedy that, in the wake of a sociopaths self-centerdness, that people are manipulated and eventually experience loss of trust and well being. The age of social media that society is currently in makes the sociopath a more proficient liar but fortunately it also makes unraveling their web of deceit easier if one only takes the time to thoroughly vet their claims. All liars leave loose ends and the more delusional and arrogant the more loose ends exist. Word of caution.. The more elaborate and sensational the claim, a hidden agenda exists by the one speaking the words.. Reveal to the person your suspicion and watch the anger and "gas lighting" begin. Don't be a victim..

Sociopaths Anthem

The Erythemics? Really? Sweet Dreams are made of These?? you have to be joking!!! Interesting though that a sociopath posts up Merl Haggards A Branded Man only to turn around after a short absence from posting(see cycles mapped) and post a song that states:
"Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused"
Once again a brief lesson in logic to discredit the delusion... No one ways to be used and no one wants to be abused. It is that type of thinking that has found you a 41 year old man who destroyed your marriage, neglected your responsibility to your children, a man who can't hold down a job, has been hospitalized in psychiatric facilities on numerous occasions and has legal rap sheet that reveals your tendencies to use and abuse (assault and battery- numerous to include on a female). It's your identification with the song that shows deep rooted issues that will find you alone as bitter, isolated and disturbed old man.
Yes, "everybody is looking for something" but unfortunately for you they are not looking to be used or abused. Actually they seek the exact opposite of you. It's the world you have made for yourself...
Here's some Lyrics for ya as made famous by the best Rock group of all time... In my opinion should be your anthem...
Led Zeppelin
"Nobody's fault but mine [X2]
Trying to save my soul tonight
It's nobody's fault but mine

Devil he told me to roll [X2]
How to roll the log tonight
Nobody's fault but mine

Brother he showed me the gong
Brother he showed me the ding dong ding dong
How to kick that gong to light
Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine

Got a monkey on my back. [X2]
Gonna change my ways tonight
It's nobody's fault but mine.."

D, it's nobodies fault but yours and your screwed up biochemistry has you so far in left field that you are diluted in that you think yourself to be in center. Such a wasted life made up of lies and dishonor. The days a coming like a freight train...

THE CHALLENGE IS RESPONSIBILITY

The biggest challenge those wtih ASPD and Bipolar disorder have to overcome, after actually admitting they have a mental illness to begin with, is their tendency to simply explain away the illogical, immoral, unethical and painful actions they commit through assigning all blame on the chemical imbalance that is a part of who they are in life. 

Truth is when those with a  mental illness diagnosis such as these refuse to accept that they are held to accountability just as everyone else that takes a breath, they are easily confused and troubled by mild messages they receive from others. If a lack of knowing right from wrong at the time of a mental breakdown has been established, there is diminished capacity according to the law. What is lost in this logic is the damage done to the victims of angry manipulative outbursts or actions based on their desires during an episode.  During such times, jobs are lost, marriages destroyed, families are fractured and even dire crimes committed.  We do not live in a pristine world of black and white, or all or none thinking.   It is the faulty thinking as is characteristic in ASPD and Bipolar disorder to hold to, in the aftermath of harsh words and/or physical assault, the notion that a chemical imbalance is the culprit and is in by no means a fair release from culpability.
    There is much work in healing the breakdown of civility which goes on with those in stressful situations. Even though one may be delusional, their actions may result in pain to another. Aren’t they then responsible for their pain? Too often one is too proud to apologize, feeling it will only supply ammunition to an enemy and will weaken a claim to be the righteous one, the one wronged. This does not lead to understanding. It only increases the gulf already formed.
    Everything negative that happens to one in their life statistically can never be the fault of someone else.  If one breaks a set law, moral or ethical standard then the negative that occurs as a result is not the fault of the other.  It is the fault of the one who broke the law or standard.  So it is important to set the record straight through acknowledging the damage done and in most cases results in the beginning of a dialogue. “I’m sorry you were injured by my actions, or, what occurred between us is regrettable; let’s strive for a better understanding.”
The argument that a chemical imbalance is at the heart of a divide is an over-simplification and an easy way out. If you make a mess, then you have to clean it up. It is your responsibility.  Sometimes it’s just what is needed along with the resolution to learn and accept that a chemical imbalance does not define a person.... Its overcoming the imbalance and taking responsibility for the wrongs and making them right that defines one as a human being. 

Ten Ways to Take Responsibility

1. Be honest with yourself; admit your limitations.
2. Acknowledge your contribution to the misunderstanding.
3. Mentally exchange places with those you’ve harmed and
4. see the situation from their view.
5. See an outsider to mediate a dialogue.
6. Cool down before reacting.
7. Take time before trying to resolve an issue.
8. Recognize the futility of all or none thinking.
9. Seek understanding with goodwill.
10. Educate yourself on the difference between being reactive in the face of an altercation and looking at the aftermath for your opportunity to set things right.
11. Remain open.

I understand that society encourages one to take the path of least resistance.  It is easier to be a victim than to admit that one is at fault and brought the circumstances on themselves.  Its sad to see a person who could have a life as a productive functioning citizen harbor such bitterness and seek to cause so much hurt and pain to others simply because they refuse to take the steps necessary to focus not on their desires but rather on their integrity as a human being.  We are all taught the difference between right and wrong.  To do what is right is a conscious choice and is generally takes the most effort of the two because our desires would lead us to do the wrong thing based soley on our own self centeredness.  Its best to live by the saying, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  If you were in a relationship or married and witnessed your spouse kissing another, how would/did you feel?  If your spouse left you for another because the other sought a relationship with your spouse knowing the marital status, how would you feel?  If someone stole something valuable to you, how would that make you feel?  The answer to all is angry, hurt and sad.  Then dont do those things regardless the circumstances.  Otherwise be prepared for the consequences that will follow you for a long time after.  That's just life- chemical imbalance or not. 

Facebook, Lies and oops, Busted.

Thought process of ASPD with Bipolar Disorder in a post on Facebook targeting his ex-wife when she spurned his advances...  Ironic that this individual takes it upon himself to give a lecture about detecting lies.  However, in reality who better than a compulsive liar describing how to detect lies.  I love her response...  it appears that she was just trying to be civil for the sake of the children but in line with his disorder the delusion filled his mind that her openness to simply communicate was indication that she wanted a relationship with him.  The first therapeutic step he needs to take is to look at himself long and hard in the mirror to see that he is actually not who he thinks he is in his dysfunctional brain.  You would think that he would be able to detect the lies he tells himself since he seems to want to  prove himself to be an expert through his post.  But then again... He's mentally ill and all the lies he tells he believes is truth.  Such a shame to be so dysfunctional.

xxxxxx xxxxx--- xxxxxx xxxx xxxxx   08/13/2012

7 hours ago·
We have all been there, believing things that someone tells us to later find out they were lying to you. Once you have been lied to you, you may find yourself wondering if you can ever trust that person or others for that matter again. There are many ways to tell if someone is lying to you. of course in person it is much easer to detect whether someone is lying to you. Here are some tips in being able to tell a liar from one that is telling you the truth in person.

A liar is pretty easy to spot once you know what to look for. So here are ways to spot a liar...

* No eye contact! If the person talking to you does not look you in the eye when they are talking to you then that is a huge sign of betrayal. They may often look at you but not for long. Their eyes will wonder around the room and very seldom actually look at you in the eye.

* Talking faster then normal. Most likely they want to get the lie over with, so they tend to talk faster then normal.

* Standing or even sitting with their arms crossed. This is a protective sign and they may be doing it as to shield themselves from you since they are insecure and know they are lying to you.

* Signs of nervousness. If they are acting nervous and fidgety then it may be a sign that they are being deceptive.

* Picking a fight with you or trying to pass the blame. If the person is defensive and trying to change the subject by picking a fight with you or passing the blame on to you, it may be a sign of deception.

* Body language. Just watching their body movement is a great way to tell if they are being deceptive. Again if they acting nervous by folding their hands and moving around a lot, such as shaking their leg, they are probably lying to you.

* Signs of stress. Since lying is stressful for the person there are signs that you can look for such as dilated pupils. Even a raise in their vocal pitch may be a determining factor that they are lying to you.

* Lack of details in their story. Often liars only think of the most obvious plots to their lie. So if they are lacking a lot of the story and you ask them and you get a response with a lot of pauses then it may be a sign that they are thinking it up as they go along.

When you are on the phone with someone it can be a little harder to tell if someone is lying to you. Using the guidelines from above such as the lack of details and the higher pitches in their voices, make sure you listen to them carefully. Make sure you listen for any inconsistencies in their story in person and on the phone. If their are things that simply do not go together, call them on it. Ask them all the questions that you have. Interrogating them is the easiest way to crack them. once they feel that you are on to them, they may end up breaking and telling you the truth.

You can ask them questions politely and try not to jump to any conclusions. Just try to get the facts in order from them. Many times if someone is lying and you ask them for a simple fact then they may pause and try to think something up. SO if there are plenty of pauses coming from them when they are talking you, it may also be a sign of deception.

listen to your intuition! Many times you have a gut feeling about something, well listen to it, Again do not jump to any conclusions, just simply ask questions nicely and see or listen to their response.

You can simply come out and ask the person if they are lying to you if you are brave enough to handle their reaction. Doing this they may be caught of guard and not know what to say. No matter what you do about the feelings of someone lying to you, do it is a tasteful fashion. DO not blow up and act crazy, simply talk to them and find out why they are lying to you.

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o    Xxxxxx xxxx xxxxx

Stop sending me messages and posting things on my wall. I have no interest in reading any of this garbage. Anything I may have done to you in the past is completely overshadowed by your actions. There is no hope for a future for us. The most you could hope for is my frienship and you may have blown that too. It's clear to me now that just by rtalking to you gives you reason to believe that there is a chance for us but the glimpse I have just seen is firther convfirmTion that I would rather be happy alone!

Branded Life

I took a little break to do some research and begin a new case study and during the "relaxation" revisited the focus of the previous one (it becomes entertaining with some individuals). Those that have been following know that the man that has been followed most recent suffers from anti-social personality disorder complicated by poorly controlled type I bi-polar disorder and chronic substance abuse. He was raised in a vagabond lifestyle (military brat) and continues as much out of necessity as a choice. He suffers delusions which has led him to weave a web of lies to define his history and enable him to engage in predatory behaviors. As is characteristic with ASPD, he has a self-centered perception of established boundaries. He has been unable to maintain a relationship as evident in his failed marriage(some interesting communication recently occurred between him and his ex on Facebook. It seems he mistook her simple attempts to be civil in communication as a sign she sought to re-initiate a romantic relationship... EMBARRASSING), his lack of interaction with his two children over their life(oldest son experiencing issues with legal authorities due to illegal narcotics possession which is direct damage from the dysfunctional relationship and absence of his father). He has also been unable to maintain gainful employment. When attempting to manipulate a female target he pulls from a few fictitious employment backgrounds... Mainly that he is receiving company sponsored disability after being injured and that allows him to follow his passion of music(DJ).
Also his lack of respect for boundaries resulted in numerous arrests between 1995 and 2010 ranging from DWI to stalking, to assault and battery on a female. All in all a rather extensive arrest record.
His substance abuse, particularly alcoholism is evident in his physical appearance.. Classic moon face, bulging eyes and "barrel belly" indicating thyroid damage and cortisol imbalance from the alcohol. This also exacerbates his psychiatric issues that have resulted in numerous psychiatric hospital admissions(both voluntary and involuntary) over the course of his life.
He applies himself diligently to portray himself as intelligent and sensitive(ploy to cover his true existence). One(even untrained) only needs to read his posts on Facebook to see the degree of his mental deficiencies. The song lyrics and "poems" he posts that he states he is "working on" show the true depth of his denial and delusion. First and foremost, they are CRAP. Absolutely ridiculous.. Second, each refers to how he has been "done wrong by society" or how his life and its state
is not his fault. He has stated that "he doesn't look for trouble but it always seems to find him". He has an extreme disdain for authority even going as far as openly posting a tirade ending in "Fuck the police"(as generally said by a true criminal and not by a law abiding citizen). Most recent he posted a link to the Merl Haggard song- Branded Man. Imagine for a second him sitting back listening to this song feeling the emptiness in his gut, maybe even a tear(if ASPD had feelings of guilt which most including him do not), thinking how the song applied to his life. His ASPD and bipolar disorder interferes with his ability to recognize the actual difference between the subject in the song and himself. The song refers to a man who committed crimes, was put in prison, realized his misdeeds, atoned for his crimes, changed his life learning to respect boundaries. This man in the song was truly sorry and wanted to live life anew once released but people kept reminding and holding his crimes against him. It was not deserved and tragic. In DE's life, he never learned the lessons from his punishment after over stepping boundaries. He just got bitter and refuses to acknowledge his accountability. Worse yet he will do anything his selfish, self-centered heart desires.... Stealing, cheating, lying, abusing women, attempting to break up marriages and continues to not take care of his family. He lives off tax payers hard earned money. In reality he can in no way identify with the song. He is not apologetic for his life and the choices he made. He deserves the life he has and truely deserves to be branded. Visual branding say on the forehead as a Warning to avoid. It's sad that some are so delusional that regardless their actions, it's always society that is wrong. All one can do is call then on their bull crap and protect against their manipulative attempts to interfere. They live in a prison of their own design and deserve every miserable aspect of their life as a consequence of their attitude and actions.

6 TIPS TO OVERCOMING INFIDELITY

There are six pieces of advice for any couple facing infidelity on how to make your relationship work post-infidelity.

 Here are three tips for the betrayed spouse:

 1. Understand the reality of this affair. It does make a difference if the wayward spouse had sex with another or not.  If he/she didn't have sex with the other man/woman, it is still infidelity.

 If the wayward spouse did have sex with him/her, that is really difficult to get over, but it can be done if it isn't a behavioral pattern. The rule of thumb with affairs is this: if it happens once, you can get over it. If it happens twice or more, it's a pattern, and you can't get over it because it will happen again.

 

2. Make a decision about the wayward spouse's character. If you believe that the wayward spouse is fundamentally untrustworthy, move on. You will always feel like you're settling and he/she will feel like she can never prove herself.

 However, if you believe that he/she made this one mistake, but overall you know him/her to be a person of integrity and someone you can trust, then embrace the person you know him/her to be. Set aside the mind-chatter about what he/she did with this man/woman and return to your previous mindset of who he/she is — a person you can trust and love.

Guard your thoughts and feelings about him/her and never let yourself doubt him/her again. Your love and trust will lift him/her up and she/he will shine.

 3. Take responsibility for your side of this. You didn't cause the wayward spouse's behavior, but affairs are often a symptom of underlying issues in the relationship that have not been addressed.

Look hard in the mirror and ask yourself what, if anything, you may have done or not done that contributed to him/her seeking intimacy with another. If you can work on your side of the fence, it will only strengthen your relationship going forward.

 Now, here are three tips for betraying spouse:

 1. Fix the underlying issue. First stop ALL contact with the other after composing a letter to the other stating your intentions to stay exclusive to your spouse and detailing the hurt your actions have caused and how the relationship was a MISTAKE AND WILL NEVER BE and allowing your spouse to send via mail. Make a public apology and take responsibility and be  accountable. Now, your job is to assess what drove the behavior in the first place. Some possible causes are emotional insecurity driving you to seek constant adoration from another, lack of communication in your primary relationship or serious doubts about your primary relationship that you didn't want to confront.

 Once you identify the underlying issue, go to work on it diligently. Yes, it will feel like the crisis is over, but don't be fooled. Changing negative relationship patterns is hard work and takes persistence.

2. Don't expect instant trust just because you've made amends. One common mistake of those who cheat is apologizing once or twice and then expecting it to be all okay again with their partners. Realize that his/her emotions may lag behind yours.

 The betrayed spouse may have flashbacks from mental pictures and from reading or hearing words that should have belonged exclusively to them and feel the betrayal all over again. Make room and space in your heart and emotions to comfort him/her when he/she feels that way. New relationship experiences and intimacy should replace the bad images, but that takes time.

 3. Don't grovel endlessly. This will sound like a contradiction to my previous tip, but it's not. Eventually, the offender has to stop apologizing. It's demeaning to you to grovel and beg for forgiveness for months on end.

There is a responsibility that your partner has to decide, forgive and move on. At some point, if that isn't happening, you have to bring that to his attention, firmly and lovingly.

Long-term, loving relationships take commitment and work. Post-affair, a couple can forge a new connection that is far more honest and far healthier. Most couples need help with this process, so if this happens in your relationship, get professional guidance. Seek out and gain support from people who will empower your journey to reunite in love and renewed commitment.

Whichever side you are on, if you follow these steps you are giving your relationship a fair chance at making it through this hard time

Justifying Infidelity Internally

How Straying Partners Tend To Justify Infidelity Internally

“What goes through the mind of a straying spouse during an affair?” This is a question that may run through the mind of a victim of a cheating spouse. Meghan Cole, a psychotherapist, suggests that most often, if not always, cheating is something someone chooses to do. Cheating is not something that “just happened”; it is something that was planned out.

Here are 2 ways that we justify internally or talk ourselves into reasoning with the idea of infidelity prior to actually cheating according to Cole:

 Denial

The first and most common way that patients report talking to themselves prior to cheating on their spouse is through denial. Denial is when we insist to ourselves or others that something is untrue. For this column we are going to focus on our self-talk. Prior to an affair, a person may deny the implications or consequences of their proposed future actions. This may sound like “we’ll get through it,” “she’ll never divorce me,” or “it’s not really that bad when you think about it.” These statements are statements that I’ve heard from patients recalling self-talk from prior to the start of an affair.

Now in counseling due to the repercussions of an affair, the patients are often able to see these thoughts as red flags, but prior did not recognize them as troubling. Now statements like “I’ll only do it once” seem ridiculous and obviously not true but hopeful. Another common theme includes denying that what you are doing, maybe having an emotional affair, is not wrong because it’s not a physical affair, or justifying kissing because it is not sex.

Many times the person engaging in an affair is exerting unfair control in the marriage. Inappropriate use of power and control in marriage is synonymous with abuse, however infidelity is rarely thought of as abusive by the infidel. I challenge you to think this way by recognizing how the physical and emotional safety of your spouse is being violated.

 Acceptance

The second way that many people justify infidelity internally is by accepting that they need more from the marriage. This looks less l ike denial and sometimes more like anger. “I had been trying to tell him for years!” or “She always took me for granted” people will say justifying an affair after the fact. In reality, these thoughts were there prior to the affair also, but most likely not shared in a healthy way with the spouse.

 Women often feel lonely and want to have someone make them feel “special,” important, and listened to. Men often want attention, creativity, and to feel handsome or sexy to someone. Men may want to add on perks to their marriage whereas women tend to look for a replacement of an emotional gap. Whether your male or female doesn’t matter when you think about a healthy marriage as an entire pie, and then an unhealthy marriage with one of the above things, a piece of pie, missing.

 Couples that recognize a lack of healthy communication or thoughts like these should seek professional help soon. Professional counseling services can help you organize and share your frustrated thoughts so that they are heard to your satisfaction. Cheating on your spouse is not a way to transition out of marriage.

 Cheating is a complicated issue and never justified.  It's always important to think about how you would feel if it were your spouse cheating on you.  If you are in an unhealthy marriage, try to make it better instead of putting time and energy into someone else.