Eight Reasons that People Cheat on Their Partners

It is natural for people to be attracted to someone other than their spouse while they are married; the problem arises when they act upon it. Some people would argue that it is okay for someone to veer once in a while from their relationship; others would end their marriage over an affair.

What are the reasons that people risk loosing their spouse?

 1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship. This was the most common reason cited by individuals in a recent broad study. Both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, the sex is not working out for them.

2. Desire for additional sexual encounters. This was a relatively infrequent reason cited by the individuals in this study. It’s possible that more people had this as a reason but didn’t want to admit to it as it is not a very socially desirable wish to articulate. For example, one man in the study stated that he felt he needed more sex in his life to reward him for performing well at his job.

3. Lack of emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship. Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy. Participants who stated the need for emotional closeness in an affair felt they were lacking a connection to their primary partners.

4. Wanting emotional validation from someone else. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other. Partners may grow apart and, as they do, fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in their relationship.

5. Falling out of love with your partner. This was a relatively insignificant reason in the study, perhaps because “love” is so difficult to define. In the grand scheme of things, having sexual and emotional intimacy seems to trump love.  I would add as well that people cant "fall out of love" just as we cant "fall in love" like it is something that just happens.  Loving someone is a CHOICE.  To "fall" implies that it is something we cant help or control.  Just as there is no such thing as "love at first sight."  It is "lust" at first sight but never love.  The choice to love someone can only occur through spending time getting to know the other person. 

6. Falling in love with someone new. Very few people indicated that they had fallen head over heels for the person with whom they had the affair. Again, emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray.-- Again, we dont "fall" in love, we "choose to love".  People involved in an affair are immersed in Lust and through the fog misinterpret the feeling as love. 

7. You’re wanting to seek revenge. In a relationship that is already suffering, the desire to hurt a partner who is (or is perceived as) cheating seems to raise the stakes significantly from mere lack of intimacy.This is a very real threat and reason.  "whats good for the goose is good for the gander" mentality.  Isnt the betrayed spouse justified in their feelings of revenge? 

8. You’re curious and want new experiences. People who cited this reason felt that they wanted something new, this motivation went beyond curiosity and into some type of contest to measure their sexual prowess. It might have been less complicated for them to compete on the tennis court or golf course, but the allure of someone and something new led them to choose this particular form of challenge. 

 

I would like to add another reason to the list.  Many would look at it and say that it belongs in the either the "emotional validation" or  "seeking revenge" categories but I believe it to be on the opposite end of both since it generally occurs in response to being cheated on.  Spouses should be the one individual in the others life that is most important.  They should never be second in the heart of the spouse.  When a spouse is betrayed it is an extremely painful event.  The one person whom you thought you could trust and should place you above all others commits adultery (physical or emotional makes no differene) thus sending the message to the betrayed spouse that they are not special as they should be.  This can lead many into a downward spiral searching for the feeling of once again being "the one and only".... Looking for the place that a spouse should occupy in the heart and mind of the other.  This finds the betrayed spouse being vulnerable to someone, anyone that is interested in allowing him/her to occupy that space in their lives.  This is not about validation and it is not about revenge.... Its about survival.  The longer two people are married the harder the betrayal and the greater the drive to once again feel the safety, peace and joy that become the daily existence for the betrayed spouse and was discarded by the betraying spouse.  Many call it trust but it is much deeper.  Its a chaotic feeling.... A life in which the betrayed spouse wanders in disbelief, anger, low self-confidence and agony at the death of a person that they thought would never willingly choose to cause them pain.  When one finds themselves in such a place, it is very easy, tempting and less daunting to perceive that it is best to find what they lost in someone different.... It brings about a high degree of anxiety and requires great fortitude to seek it in the person that is responsible for the loss in the first place.  One however must stop and remember that to place your feelings of well being in the hands of another is setting themselves up for disappointment.