SPOTTING A SOCIOPATH!!

Romantic relationships can and should be wonderful with the correct person. A relationship with the wrong individual, however, can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, physical damage, and even emotional, mental and physical abuse. And sometimes, that can even lead to death. So it is very important to really KNOW who you are communicating with in the first place BEFORE you destroy your life for them.. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the “fatal attraction” often described in movies.

There is a very important statement to consider when you are trying to find out what someone is really like. And it is this:

 "The greatest enemy of that which is excellent is not that which is blatantly bad, but that which APPEARS to be good."

 If someone was openly insane and abusive with you, you would notice it right off the bat, and that would be the end of the relationship. But some(mentally ill Sociopaths) are much better than others at hiding from you who they REALLY ARE. They can appear to be very good, wonderful, and even perfect. In fact, many times these individuals have been called Sociopaths because they know just how to manipulate others so well. They can appear, at first, to be the most charming, caring, loving, fun individual who sweeps you off your feet with their charm and looks. Years ago men like this were called "smooth talking sales men and " Con-Artists." So, they can APPEAR to be good, but in reality they are not only bad, but VERY BAD.

So here are some red flags for you to be aware of so you can spot a sociopath before you continue a relationship that will ruin your life.

 A Sociopath is a type of person that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage. A sociopath has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of  a sociopath who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of a Sociopath and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships, before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If the person you are communicating with possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with a Sociopath in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present, it’s not a probability or possibility, you WILL be hurt and damaged if you continue with any form of a relationship.

1.      Commits to you very quickly: You will find that a Sociopath has very shallow and superficial emotions and connections with others. Within a very short period of time he or she says, “I Love You,” or wants to marry or commit to you. You may be caught up in the “it was meant to be” syndrome the sociopath portrays.  In less than a few weeks you’ll hear that you’re " the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you." You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you.

Stable people will require alot more information about someone before they make a commitment, and they will also be much more patient with the entire process. The very quick commitment on the part of the sociopath is also a sign of superficiality and shallow emotions, which is also the very reason that the controller can detach from you just as quickly. Believe it or not, a sociopath will be talking about moving in with you or getting married to you in less than four weeks, or very early in the relationship.

 2.     Temper: A sociopath has a scary temper or history of temper issue.. If the person which you are communicating has a history of or currently blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they’re mad, road rage, destroying/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to “witnessed violence” - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. But it will at first be directed towards others, not you. 

The Sociopath will have a legal history- arrests for various issues such as assault, trespassing, DUI, etc.  They pride themselves in showing contempt for authority.

The Sociopath will even enlist your sympathy for what they are going through with others and expect you to take their side and support their anger.  They will maintain that they are always the victim.   

As time passes and the relationship progresses you become intimidated and you begin to fear their potential for violence. The Sociopath quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. And you want to believe that. You want to believe that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you, but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Statistics have shown that it will.

3.       It’s Always Your Fault: A Sociopath blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. They will maintain that all the legal issues they underwent was none of their fault.  They were the victim.  When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property or embarrass you publicly, it’s somehow your fault. Anything that they do wrong, according to them YOU caused. So it is your fault that they had to act badly. A Sociopath tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior.

A Sociopath never, repeat “never,” takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it’s always the fault of someone else. They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.

4.     Entitlement: A Sociopath has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. They are completely self-absorbed and arrogant. Their anger at others for perceived injustices will one day be used against you also. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, or dare to disagree with them, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit. They treat you like a child and they are the parent.  The Sociopath will look for and do whatever it takes to not work to make a living.  They will look to the welfare system or the disability system.  Fact is that their psychological illness prevents them from being able to maintain employment so they feel entitled that the system owes them a living.

5.     Bad Stories: People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It’s the old story about giving a person enough rope and they’ll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A Sociopath tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others, rejecting others, etc. Pay close attention to their arrest record as well for it summarizes the Sociopaths personality.  They may tell you about past relationships and, in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about their temper and outbursts, because they don’t see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the “I don’t take nothing from nobody” attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it’s folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what’s coming your way.  Sociopaths live in a world of fiction.

6.     The Reputation: Mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. A Sociopath may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it’s wonderful and five say it’s a hog pit - you clearly understand that there’s some risk involved in eating there.

A Sociopath may actually glorify  their reputation as a “butt kicker," “womanizer," “hot temper,” or “being crazy.” They may tell you stories where other’s have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. They will boast that they are accountable to no one.  Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual’s behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side as the relationship progress. With severe behavior problems, a Sociopath will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Their relationship with their family is strained at best and generally has a divorce or string of divorces in their wake.  They have a history of sporadic relationship with their children if a parent.  Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with sociopaths that treat others so badly.

7.      Discounted Feelings/Opinions: A sociopath is so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don’t make sense, they’re silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. A Controller has no interest in your opinion or your feelings, but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. A sociopath is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned.  Their primary purpose is to please themselves…Get what they need whether it is sex, money, the feeling of worth by destroying your previous relationship.  They are incapable of functioning in a normal loving relationship.

8.     It’s Never Enough: A Sociopath plan is to convince you that you are never quite good enough. You don’t say “I love you” enough, you don’t stand close enough, you don’t do enough for them after all their sacrifices, you cost them too much money, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. In fact, even when you make the changes that they are demanding such as losing weight, cutting your hair or letting it grow long, dropping that friend or family member, etc. they will just find something else wrong with you. You could turn "yourself into a pretzel and swing from a chandelier" if they asked you to, and STILL it would not be good enough. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you and that no one else would want you.

9.     Destroying Your Self-Esteem : A sociopath will begin to repeatedly put you down. They do this by correcting your smallest mistakes, making you feel like not doing things in front of them, or not telling them things that you have done, even the good things, because they will always find something wrong even with what you thought was good. So you begin to feel “on guard,” unintelligent, and depressed. They will tell you that you’re too fat, even when you are not, call you ugly or unattractive, make fun of your clothes or the way you talk or don’t talk correctly or how you look in general.  Soon they will begin to give you the impression that if you don't make some changes in these areas they are going to look elsewhere. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly, as though you deserved it. In public, you will be “walking on eggshells” always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument.

 10.  The Abuse Cycle: A sociopath cycles from mean to super nice and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, and bring you candy and flowers. So you hang in there thinking maybe things are not so bad after all and maybe it is you who is exaggerating things. You hope that maybe this is the end of the cycle. But the sociopath knows exactly what they are doing. They have no intention of ending the cycle. They just don't want to lose power and control over you, so they become what they think you want in order to pacify you. And it works! But with each additional cycle your self-esteem and self-confidence is that much more eroded which is exactly what they want.

The sociopath is a master at lies and manipulation.  Evaluate your current situation and if you find that the person you are communicating with or are in a relationship falls into any of the above behavior categories, get away!  Nothing good will ever come from a continued relationship with them.  You deserve better in life.

Always the Victim

Humility is define as the state or quality of being humble; freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth; a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness; self-abasement; humbleness.

Being humble is difficult because we are born to be full of pride.  We are conditioned growing up to be the best at sports, in the class room, best behaved, etc.  When we succeeded in being "good at" or "the best" (in the subjective opinions from those we valued) we were rewarded and recognized leading to feeling pride.  Every human being, no matter how much they proclaim to not be prideful, holds one or more strongholds that says otherwise (just the very act of proclaiming to be free of pride in itself shows itself to be a prideful stronghold).  I am not delusional to think that I am without pride.  I take pride in saying that I am humble.  Let me explain.  In the definition above it says "a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness.  I am perfectly imperfect.  I also subscribe to the idea that being humble is a place one comes to when they realize that they are capable of anything in any given circumstance at any given time.  Take for example, some people are arrogant enough to boast that they would under no circumstance take the life of another. Afterall, "Thou Shalt Not Kill" is one of the "Big Ten".  In being humble, I cant make the same claim.  Under the right or "wrong" circumstance such as someone attacking my family, I know in my heart that I could not stand by the "never taking another life" statement.  I know that i have the capacity to end the attack and would take whatever steps are necessary to do just that whether a physical attack or an attack against the sanctity of the marriage and family. 

I am humble and proudfully so. 

Its important for all of us to take an "accurate inventory of who we are, what we stand for, where we have been, where we are, and where we intend to be".  Sometimes doing so is not a pleasant exercise... Many times it is very painful to replay our mistakes, examine our current circumstances(broken relationships with friends and family) and determine what we must do to repair the damage we have self-inflicted through selfish decisions in our life.  A phrase I often use in training at the gym is "pain is weakness leaving the body".  No one can get to where they want to be without first dealing with the pain either they have received or caused in their life.  Many people internalize it and will always be a "victim" in their own mind.  Truth is, if we do "the right things" according to societal norms and stop being so prideful to think that what "we" want as individuals gives us the right to hurt others and make "ammends" for the wrongs we have perpetrated then we can all move on and live a healthier psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual existence.  Otherwise, you will never be where you want to be and will forever be a "victim".    

FOLLOWING FOOTSTEPS...

 “Men are the single greatest untapped resource in the lives of American children” says Kyle Pruett, Yale psychiatry professor. Census data show a shocking truth that America is the most fatherless country, with almost 34 percent of American children living without their biological fathers. Some sources rate this as high as 40 percent or more. This equates to a huge social problem because of the vast differences fathers make in their children’s lives.

Numerous studies have shown that children without involved fathers are significantly more likely to use drugs, to do poorly in school and/or drop out of high school, to have health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior more than those who live with their married parents. Researchers at the University of Maryland found that having a substitute supportive “father figure” could help counteract these effects.

Fathers have an important role. Stephen Duncan, professor at Montana State University-Bozeman, says that fathers influence development from a very early age, even as early as a few weeks of age when dads become the child’s “most significant other.” He says that it is through the father that “the baby first learns about comings and goings, transitions, separations and non-mother nurturing.” Father involvement during the first eight weeks of life affects children’s ability to manage stress as school-age children.

A father’s influence is accomplished through a number of means: attachment, involvement, play, modeling, teaching, protection and providing. Duncan says that father-child play tends to be more rough-and-tumble play than mother-child play and seems to be an important factor in the father-child relationship.

Boys need a good male role model to learn how to be men and girls need it to learn to appreciate their femininity and to develop trust and intimacy with men. Duncan says that fathers play a major role in preparing children for life outside the family. This can happen both through modeling and direct teaching. Lastly, fathers increase the well-being of their children when they have a good relationship with their children’s mother.

Benefits of involved fathering are not just for children. Fathers also benefit. They experience more personal happiness and satisfaction. Their health and overall well-being is improved. They are even more likely to advance in their careers.

Good fathers nurture their marriage. They make fatherhood a high priority and spend  time with their children, being connected with most, if not all, aspects of their children’s lives. They have regular one-on-one time with each child. They are affectionate with their children. They are teachers and good models. They protect and provide for their children.

When a Dad is absent or can’t be a good provider, he has no credibility, and often virtually no role in the family. For example, fathers who’ve been in prison have a horrible time getting jobs, and can feel helpless about becoming an authority in their children’s lives.  Also it is important to place a priority on the marriage to the children’s mother.  It has been said that the best gift a father can give a child is to love their mother.  Nothing is more true.  In today’s social climate of self gratification and “the if it feels good do it” mindset, we are seeing an epidemic of divorce.  Children raised in divorce homes are 80% more likely to divorce as adults.  Why is this?  Parents set the example of what is normal for their children.  For example, if a father has a history of disrespecting authority and runnins with the legal system then the child will grow to have the same or similar attitudes and find themselves walking in the father’s footsteps.  With divorce, because it was “okay” for the parents then it is okay for the children.  If a daughter has a mother who is constantly seeking male companionship and constantly choosing men who are abusive, she will grow to seek the same type of man and continue the same patterns because the absence of her father forces her to model the mother’s path thinking that an abusive man is normal (and growing up feeling dejected and worthless because of an absent father perpetuates the issue).

To be a REAL father,  one must work diligently at maintaining the marriage.  That is the most critical step in appropriate development in the children.  The children must  witness first hand that love is difficult and not something to be taken lightly and  is definitely not disposable.  They learn how to love, how to relate, how to interact, how to “fight  fair” and most importantly how to develop trust in themselves and others.  Our prisons are full of men and women who did not have the opportunity to learn those things because of selfish, self-centered parents.  You show me a teenager abusing drugs,  doing poorly in school,  in legal trouble or pregnant out of wedlock and I will show you a father who failed at the most important responsibility given to him allowing divorced home and even worse being absent not caring for his children. 

ONE REAPS WHAT THEY SOW!!

Karma is seen as a natural law which maintains that every act done, no matter how insignificant, will eventually return to the doer with equal impact. Good will be returned with good; evil with evil. If good or evil befall you, it is because of something you have done to bring it about.

Karma is also referred to as a "moral law of cause and effect." Karma is both an encouragement to do good and to avoid evil, as well as an explanation for whatever good or evil befalls a person.
We all have had occasions in our life where, following good deeds by us, good things happen for us. Also, unfortunately we have done things which, no matter how strong and convincing our justifications, we knew was wrong to engage in whether through stupidity, ignorance, apathy or just plain self centeredness has brought about negative situations and loss in our lives.
I wonder how many people when involved in a life situation that makes them jump up and down, protest and shout, "I'm a victim!!! This person or entity is doing me wrong!" actually stop and think about past transgressions which they perpetrated on another person or people-making them the victim of his or her self centered an selfish actions?
No human being is exempt from this moral law (I prefer to call it the law of sowing and reaping). It's hard to feel sorry for someone who now finds themselves being victimized when you know for so long it was they who were doing the victimizing! Actually it is very gratifying to see them whining an squirming, calling out for assistance, shouting things are unfair!!
All I have to say is "whine an squirm on!!! Your getting what you deserve! You asked for it by your actions to another or others!". Ah, the satisfaction!!!

12 Warning Signs That It’s Emotional Infidelity – And Not ‘Just Friendship’

When you think of cheating, most of you may think of your partner having sex with another person. What about emotional infidelity, is it as bad? Is it worse? These emotional affairs have been escalating for decades now and are a big problem in relationships because according to statistics approximately 80% of these platonic liaisons cross over into a sexual affair.

   If you are friends with someone, but your not sure if it is crossing the line or not, you may want to read further to find out the warning signs that you may be in an emotional affair.
There are at least 12 warning signs to alert you to take action to protect yourself and your relationship from ‘emotional infidelity.’

1. Thinking and saying you’re ‘just friends’ with opposite-sex.
    If you’ve been thinking or saying, “we’re just friends,” think again. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you may be swimming in
     treacherous waters. The very words are dangerous to your marriage.

This rationale allows you to make excuses, or more plainly, to tell lies (to yourself and others) about something you know in your gut is wrong. Regardless how strongly TV and entertainment promote the idea of opposite-sex friendships (and this is part of the problem!) as not only ‘okay,’ but also ‘right’ to demand unconditional trust, in most cases, an intimate friendship with a member of the opposite-sex that you find interesting and attractive poses risks.

 2. Treating them as a confidant, sharing intimate issues.

    Sharing thoughts and deepest concerns, hopes and fears, passions and problems is what deepens intimacy; it builds an
     emotional bond between two people, time better used in marriage relationship. Giving this away to another person, regardless
     of the justification, is infidelity, a betrayal of trust. This is especially true when you consider that emotional intimacy is the most
     powerful bond in human relationships, much stronger than a sexual one.

3. Discussing troubling aspects of your marriage and partners.

   Talking or venting to a person of the opposite sex about what your marriage lacks, what your partner lacks, or what you’re not
    getting to make you happy sends a loud message that you’re available for someone else to ‘love and care’ for your needs. It’s
    also a breach of trust. And, like gossip, it creates a false sense of shared connection, and an illusion that you, your happiness,
    your comfort and needs are totally valued by this person (when, in truth, this has not been put to the test!). Statistics have
    shown that most cases will eventually reveal that this person was after one thing and one thing only...  SEX and once achieving
    their agenda will care less about your needs, comfort and feelings.  Is it worth damaging or destroying your life with a person
    you know is committed to you for the illusion being portrayed by someone who is proving by their contact with you to be
    untrustworthy? 

4. Comparing them verbally and mentally to your partner.

    Another danger sign is a thinking pattern that increasingly finds what is ‘positive’ and ‘just right’ about the friend and ‘negative’
     and ‘unfulfilling’ about the partner. This builds a case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner. Another mental breach of trust,
     this unfairly builds a physiologically felt case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner, forming mental images in the brain that
     associate pleasurable and painful sensations accordingly.  The "friend" is only allowing you to see the side that you have told
     them knowingly or unknowingly that you are longing for in your partner.  Everyone has baggage, some more than others.  Just
     think of the disappointment and embarrassment you will feel once you have thrown away your relationship with your partner
     only to find the "friend" to be far worse. 

 5. Obsessively thinking or daydreaming about the person.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing the person, cannot wait to share news, think about what you’re going to tell them when you’re apart, and imagine their excitement, you’re in trouble. This sense of expectation, excitement, anticipation releases dopamine in reward centers of your brain, reinforcing toxic patterns. Obsessively thinking about the person is an obvious signal that something is wrong. After all, you don’t do this with your friends, right?  You shoul make every effort to be this way with your partner.  Anything or anyone that diverts your thoughts from your mate is something or someone that needs to removed from your life.  All they are is an illusion.  Nothing more. 

6. Believing this person ‘gets’ you like no other.

It always appears this way in affairs and romantic encounters at the start. It’s an illusion, and in the case of emotional infidelity, one that is dangerous to a marriage because the sense of mutual ‘understanding’ forms a bond that strengthens and deepens emotional intimacy, with the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, such as the love and safety hormone oxytocin. This focus also puts you in a ‘getting’ frame of mind. It means you are approaching your marriage in terms of what you’re getting or not getting, rather than what you’re contributing.  Again, you have either knowingly or unknowingly through conversation given the person a blueprint on what you want in life and what you want to hear.  Its a game to present to you the picture of complete understanding when really all they are working toward is getting your clothes off.  If you think the person "gets" you like no other, you need to wake up before they "get you" the way only your partner should!

7. Pulling out of regular activities with your partner, family, work.

Being absorbed with desire to spend more and more time talking, sharing, being with the person, it’s only natural to begin to resent time you spend on responsibilities and activities at home (and work?). As a result, you begin to pull away, turn down, or make excuses for not joining regular activities with your partner and family. Family members notice you are withdrawn, irritable and unhappy.  Its not that you are unhappy with your partner or your life, your unhappy with yourself and running to a relationship with someone else will not change that especially when you find out the mistake you have made and the mess you created.

8. Keeping what you do secret and covering up your trail.

Secrecy itself is a warning sign. It creates a distinct closeness between two people, and at the same time grows the distance between them and others. Secrets create a special bond, most often an unhealthy one. For example, there may be a false sense of emotional safety and trust with the person, and an unwarranted mistrust and suspicion of the partner, or those who try to interfere with the ‘friendship.’  Stop and think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your partner was keeping secrets from you.  Would you be hurt?  Would you stop trusting your partner?  Would your lack of trust be justified?  If you are keeping secrets with someone else and not your partner then you are proving to be untrustworthy as a person.  Do you like being emotionally hurt?  Do you like hurting people that love you and have committed to you? 

 9. Keeping a growing list of reasons that justify your behaviors.

This involves an addictive pattern of thinking that focuses your attention on how unhappy you are, why you’re unhappy, and blames your partner and marriage for all aspects of your unhappiness. It builds a dangerous sense of entitlement and forms a pool of resentment from which you feel justified to mistreat your partner or do what you need to increase your happiness without considering the consequences.

10. Fantasizing about a love or sexual relationship with the person.

At some point, one or both persons begin to fantasize about having a love or sexual relationship with the other. They may begin to have discussions about this, which adds to the intensity, the intrigue and the intoxicating addictive releases of neurochemicals that make the pattern more entrenched.  Statistics have shown that the majority that fantasize about a person are completely disappointed following realizing the fantasy in real life.  Its nor worth the wedge that it drives between you and your partner.  STOP!

11. Giving or receiving personal gifts from the person.

Another flag is when the obsession affects your buying behaviors, so that you begin to think about this person when you are shopping, wondering what they like or would show your appreciation. The gift choices are something intimate items that you would not give ‘just’ a friend. Gifts send clear messages that the two of you are a ‘close we’ set apart from others, and that the relationship is ‘special.’

 12. Planning to spend time alone together or letting it happen.

This is the warning sign that, when not heeded, most often pushes partners to cross the line from a platonic to a sexual relationship. Despite good intentions and promises to one another that they would not let ‘anything’ happen, it’s a set up, a matter of time, when opposite-sex friends flirt with the availability of time alone.  In itself will bring the end and the accompanying shame, embarrassment and hurt that comes with it.

If you find yourself doing some of the above actions, you should pull back quickly and reevaluate your situation before you ruin your marriage.

How To Stop Cheating On Your Partner

 Here you are, you have labeled yourself a cheater and you don’t like it. What can you do to stop? Sometimes people dig themselves so deep in a hole that they need help finding their way out.  Family/Marriage therapists suggested the following tips to stop cheating on your spouse:

1.   Avoid situations where you are alone with the opposite sex. This includes online social networking sites.  Contact online may seem fun and harmless at first but will definitely lead to other more personal forms of communication such as texting, phone calls, picture messaging, etc.  NEVER, NEVER give someone of the opposite sex any of your contact information- email address, phone numbers at home or work or address.  Sociopaths use the internet as a world wide singles bar.  Dont fool  yourself, Many make the mistake of thinking that just because they have no intentions of cheating that they will be able to avoid having an affair. This is not the case. Human desires can overpower you at the right moment, especially when you are vulnerable. The whole point of applying this rule is to take precautions.

2.   Your job may require meetings with the opposite sex. Take as much precaution as possible. You could have the meeting in a more public environment. Another coworker could join in on the meeting. This may seem a bit extreme, you might say, but if you sincerely would like to stop cheating on your spouse the sacrifice is necessary.

3.  Continue to grow spiritually, emotionally and physically with your husband or wife. More than ever it is necessary to continuously build in your relationship with your partner. Keep the romance alive by setting aside quality time, without any distractions. Take part in spiritual activities together so that you can be spiritually in tuned to one another. Maintain a consistent dialogue to prevent drifting apart. Express your feelings and be open and honest about your needs and desires.

4.   Do not confide in the opposite sex about your relationship. Confiding in the opposite sex seems to be one of the most common excuses many cheaters make. "Oh, we got to talking, and one thing led to another," they might say. Remember, the only way you are going to stop cheating in the future is by putting up safeguards. Talking to the opposite sex about personal issues in your relationship or confiding in them at all can lead to an emotional dependence. You should be emotionally dependent on your spouse. Any concerns or issues you have with your partner should be discussed with them.

5.   It is natural to feel attracted to someone of the opposite sex. However, many make the mistake of flirting. Flirting gives the impression that you are available when you are actually not. If you find that a coworker or other acquaintance, even after being aware that you are married, attempts to seduce you by flirting, find ways to avoid those attempts. Make conversations very brief and business-like.  The fact that they persist after knowing you are married is an indicator of a psychological disorder and a definite sign that things will end very badly. 

 6.  Speak to a counselor about your problem. Sometimes talking to someone who is qualified can help you to sort out hidden feelings. Perhaps they will be able to make some effective suggestions on how to better improve your marriage.

7.  Another common mistake many make is drinking and especially getting intoxicated at parties, whether it be with coworkers or with friends. Intoxication combined with sexual desire will almost always lead to infidelity. Becoming drunk weakens your ability to think clearly and rationally. Therefore, if you want to stop cheating on your spouse, drink in moderation.

If you truly want to rid yourself of the label “cheater” and become a good spouse, look at these suggestions that are outlined here for you. You have violated your partner’s trust; try taking action to mend your broken trust back together.

TYPE 2 MALE SOCIOPATHS

The type 2 male sociopath drinks heavily no matter what, has a history of frequent fights and arrests, they are impulsive risk takers, curious, excitable, quick tempered, optimistic and independent. The psychopath is incapable of having long lasting, close, warm and responsible relationships with people. They will habitually lie and cannot hold a job for long. Sociopaths never settle down for any period of time, they will travel without aim looking for jobs or whatever they need and get it by doing anything. A sociopath may look resilient but are very fragile and can erupt very easily. This type comprises as much as 75% of the prison population. Alcohol is a contributing cause or consequence of being antisocial. People that are both antisocial and alcoholic are prone to violent behavior.
An antisocial person's disorder peaks between the ages of 24 and 44 after which drops off sharply. After the age of 30 the sociopath fights less and commits less crime but the illness can persist into the ages of between 60 and 70 but after 30 are less likely to be in trouble with the law. Sociopaths in their thirties will continue to have problems such as unstable relationships, substance abuse, impulsiveness, poor temper control and failure to honor financial obligations. The ratio of men to women is 4 to 1. Identical twins are several times more likely to have a personality disorder compared to fraternal twins. A genetic link strongest in anti-social disorder has a pattern of irresponsible behavior 5 times more common amongst close relatives of anti-social men than in the general population. Some people with a genetic link to alcoholism have a genetic link to anti-social personality disorder as well. Male relatives of people with Somatization Disorder have a higher incidence of anti-social personality disorder ( somatization - begins in the teens to twenties and consists of chronic physical problems and complaints). Sociopaths with a history of substance abuse and criminal behavior fit Manchausen Syndrome (Manchausen is the extreme type of factitious disorder which symptoms are lying, falsification and pathological lying). Sociopaths also have a tendency to have a non-psychiatric condition that is called malingering which is the production of grossly exaggerated symptoms for a specific illness or problem for the purpose of winning legal action or things like committing insurance fraud or basically anything they have to lie to obtain. If a person is diagnosed with Anti-Social Personality Disorder is very hard to treat and there is no cure for their behavior. Because the disorder remits in the thirties, it tends to be less obvious. Those that are forced into psychotherapy cannot tolerate the intimacy of the required therapy. The therapist has to focus on enhancing strength, channel the sensation of seeking actions on people into more positive socially responsible behaviors and to teach practical ways in dealing with every day frustration. Medications are not recommended in the treatment of sociopath but drugs can diminish the violent episodes. People with Anti-Social Personality Disorder also have Attention Deficit\ Hyperactivity Disorder and stimulants are used to treat that such as Ritalin. There are no long term results to study of this approach of using stimulants but they should not be prescribed unless the person is specifically diagnosed with AD\HD and has not responded to other medication. The drugs used to treat are commonly abused and should be closely monitored. Those that are convicted of crimes are usually incarcerated. Some sociopaths may be able to instead of a jail term choose a residential facility that has counseling but there is a high drop out rate in those facilities. The sociopath can seem charming in superficial social interactions but repeatedly hurt, anger, exploit, cheat, rob, harass or injure them. The actions a psychopath no matter what laws they break, whoever they hurt, whatever trouble they have to deal with they do not feel bad. When a sociopath is punished they have no feeling of regret because no matter how cruel or selfish the behavior is they feel it is justified. Normal functioning individuals give the sociopath little sympathy because they hurt people so bad but their illness is recognized as somewhat of an explanation of why they do it. The idea of the disorder is no excuse for their behavior that results from it.

The sociopathic behavior problems that start as a child have links to heredity, a family with a pre-disposition to perform crimes, alcoholic parents that do crimes, irresponsible behavior that persists and parents that do not discipline gives foundation to a child that will eventually be a sociopath and will exhibit certain feelings inside such as inadequacy and shame. The child characteristics of a future sociopath consist of being incapable of following the rules. The youngster will skip school, bully, steal, torment animals, run away from home and the child is likely to develop Attention Deficit \Hyperactivity Disorder or AD|HD. At an earlier age than their peer group the child will smoke drink, do drugs, and become sexually active. The diagnoses of Anti-Social Personality Disorder is not used for people under the age of 18. The Psychopath is defined in the dictionary as a person suffering from, especially a severe mental disorder with aggressive antisocial behavior which is a nice way of saying a quick tempered person. There are many characteristics of a sociopath and each sociopath has their own special traits. A sociopath gets great gratification in the act of hurting someone for absolutely no reason. The behavior of a sociopath is so close to normal it is extremely hard to diagnose. A sociopath is a person that acts against society and their sole purpose it seems is to act against the laws of the given land their end. The sociopath will in most cases become violent and abuse drugs and alcohol to facilitate the violent behavior. The violence in many cases is the result of sub-concious decisions that might lead to assaulting someone for no reason.
There is a disorder called Borderline that is often misdiagnosed as Anti-Social Personality Disorder which is quite similar to it. Borderline Disorder is a little bit more aggressive than Antisocial. Characteristics of Borderline Disorder Violating the rights of others and age appropriate societal norms or rules with at least three of the following in the past 6 months and one in the last 12 Aggression to People and Animals; 1. often bullying, threatening, or intimidating others; 2. often iniating fights; 3. use of a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (bat , brick, broken bottle, gun, knife); 4. physical cruelty to people and animals; 5. stealing in a confrontation with victim ( mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery); 6. forcing someone into sexual activity; 7. Destruction of Property - deliberate fire setting with intention to cause serious damage; 8. deliberate destruction of other's property in other ways; 9. Deceitfulness or Theft-breaking into someone's house, car, building; 10. frequent lying to get goods, favors and avoid obligations; 11. stealing items of non-trivial value without confronting the victim, forgery, shoplifting; 12. Serious Violation of the Rules- often staying out all night dispite parental rules that begin before the age of 13; 13. running away from home at least twice (once not returning for a lengthy period); 14. frequent truancy from school, significant impairment in functioning socially at school or work in individuals 18 or older but symptoms don't meet criteria for Anti - Social Disorder. The diagnoses of a sociopath is extremely difficult because they have so many mental problems to contend with the complete diagnoses might not occur. The possibility of being diagnosed with something similar to being a sociopath is quite great and this point should be stressed with relationship between Borderline and Anti-Social Disorder.

PSYCHOPATHY VS SOCIOPATHY

Psychopathy or Sociopathy?
Dr. Robert Hare, one of the leading experts in the study of psychopathy, suggests that the difference between sociopathy and psychopathy may primarily reflect how the person using these terms views the factors contributing to the antisocial disorder.

More apt to view antisocial behavior as arising from social conflicts, sociologists typically prefer the term sociopath. Whereas, psychologists use the term psychopathy to describe a psychological disorder that is the product of a combination of psychological, biological, genetic and environmental factors (Hare 1999).

Is Psychopathy 'Nature'?

In agreement with Hare’s assessment, David Lykken, a behavioral geneticist best known for his work on twin studies, viewed psychopaths as having inherent temperamental differences such as impulsivity, fearlessness, and reduced physiological responsiveness resulting in a high level of risk-seeking behavior and lack of adherence to social norms. Recent research has demonstrated that early signs predictive of psychopathy can be present at a very young age (Viding 2005, Glenn 2007).

Is Sociopathy 'Nurture'?

He considered sociopaths to possess reasonably normal temperaments; their social pathology more a result of negative sociological factors such as parental neglect, running with the wrong crowd, poverty, and extremely low or extremely high intelligence(Lykken 1995).

Although all personality disorders are likely to be the result of some level of interaction between genetic predispositions and environmental factors, according to these definitions, psychopathy is defined primarily by hereditary and sociopathy by environmental influences.

Antisocial PD and Psychopathy
As with the conflict surrounding the nature of psychopathy versus sociopathy, there is also debate over the difference between psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD or ASPD).

What is APD?

According to the DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), in order to be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder, a patient must have a persistent history of disregard for and violation of the others’ rights, occurring since age 15, evidenced by three (or more) of the following traits:.
*failure to conform to social norms
*deceitfulness
*repeated lying
*use of aliases
*manipulation of others
*impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
*irritability and aggressiveness
*reckless disregard for safety of self or others
*consistent irresponsibility
*lack of remorse, indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt or mistreated others.
Limitations of ADP Diagnosis

Although the description in DSM-TR reflect the perspective that psychopathy is synonymous with APD, more recent research has cast doubt (Cunningham 1998, Hare 1999, Herve 2006).

The DSM diagnosis of APD is primarily a list of antisocial or criminal behaviors. Hugues Herve, one of the early thought leaders in the study of psychopathy, saw the diagnosis of ADP as lacking in its failure “to capture the personality features that clinicians have noted to be most essential in discriminating psychopaths from other criminals.”

The McCords, a pair of academicians offering us some of the earliest glimpses into psychopathy, share a similar view, stating that “the actions of a psychopath are only outward symptoms of a sick mind … any adequate study of the psychopath must look beyond asociality” (1964).

Psychopathy More Specific than APD

Because the diagnosis of APD is based primarily of a short list of antisocial behaviors, and psychopathy is more clearly defined as including many subjective traits, the diagnosis of APD is, by nature, less discriminating.

Hare wanted to see a more reliable, less subjective method that could more completely assess the complex traits of psychopaths, so his team of clinicians spent more than ten years developing and refining a new, more reliable assessment tool. The diagnostic device that Hare’s team developed was dubbed the Psychopathy Checklist (PCL), and is now widely used to professionally diagnose psychopathy (Hare 1985, 1999).

Using DSM and PCL as tools for assessing APD and psychopathy, respectively, most individuals with psychopathy would be clinically diagnosed as having APD, however, the majority of individuals with APD would not qualify as being psychopathic (Hare 1998).

Criminal Behavior of APD and Psychopathy

Hare’s studies of psychopathy have revealed that the percentage of incarcerated criminals that would meet the criteria of having APD is approximately 85%, however, when assessed for psychopathy, only about 20% of these same criminals would quality. Psychopathy has also proven to be a better predictor of violent and sexual recidivism as well as treatment failure (Cunningham 1998), further evidence supporting a real difference between criminals with APD and true psychopaths.

CLECKLEY's LIST FOR APD

Hervey Cleckley’s List
In 1955, Cleckley published a list of core characteristics of the sociopathic personality in his book, Mask of Insanity. He had sixteen personality traits:
1. Superficial charm and intelligence
2. No delusions(unless concurrent with
other psychiatric disorders such as
BPD or schizophrenia)
3. No psychoneurotic behavior
4. Unreliable
5. Pathological lying
6. No remorse
7. Insufficient motivated antisocial
behavior
8. Poor judgment and doesn’t learn
from experience
9. Cannot love
10. Poor in primary experience in
feelings and emotions
11. Loss of insight
12. Not responsive in over all
interpersonal reactions
13. Obnoxious behavior when drunk
and, at times, when sober
14. Suicide threats rarely attempted
15. Sex lives impersonal
16. Fails to follow a plan of life

Treatment for Sociopathy
Sociopathy is treated in different ways, but there is no known cure and the effectiveness of the treatments is not clear and a matter of controversy. Psychopathy can co-exist with other psychiatric disorders.

The primary challenge in treating APD is that the patients usually don’t believe they have a problem. The behavior is often magnetic and charming. They also believe their behavior works and is satisfying to them.

Treatment for sociopathy is individualized and there is no one approach. Many sociopaths have a sense of superiority and think they’re smarter than mental health professionals. Many with are in treatment because they are pressured by family members or mandated by court order. Sociopaths can mimic acceptable behavior and manipulate doctors and therapists.

Different psychological therapies are available. These can be used in conjunction with psychotropic drugs and physical therapy which consists of electroconvulsive therapy, ECT, better known as shock therapy and neurosurgery, the least used and most radical.

Some sociopaths become disenchanted with their behavior and spontaneously grow out of the disorder.

APD and PATHOLOGICAL LYING

APD: A Personality Disorder
APD is a Cluster B Personality Disorder. People in this category continually disregard and violate the rights of others. They have patterns of inner experiences and behaviors that deviate from their society’s norms. Their cognition – viewing and interpreting themselves, people and events and affectivity – appropriateness of response, are abnormal. Interpersonal functioning and impulse control are affected.

APD: DSM IV TR Criteria
There’s an omnipresent pattern of disregard for and violation of the other’s rights, exhibited by the behavior of people, at least eighteen-years-old, that’s not caused by another psychiatric disorder or substances, as evidenced by at least three criteria:

Nonconformance to social norms, including crime
Repeated pathological lying, and taking advantage of others for egocentric pleasure and/or profit
Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead
Irritability and aggressive behavior that may include physical attacks
Reckless disregard for theirs and other people’s safety
Irresponsibility which may include failure to maintain acceptable job performance and/or other obligations
No remorse, being indifferent to or rationalizing, hurting and abusing others.
Sociopathy varies in degrees. The number of diagnosed sociopaths in psychiatric institutions is relatively small. Many are incarcerated, but more live in society. They might be con artists, imposters, tricksters, charlatans or unscrupulous professional or business people. They can be politicians, lawyers, psychiatrists, psychologists and doctors.

Some mental health professionals use the terms Antisocial Personality Disorder or APD, psychopathy and sociopathy interchangeably although some others theorize that sociopathy is a type of psychopathy.

Early Recognition of Sociopathy
During the nineteenth century, morality was related to personality. In 1835, English psychiatrist James Pritchard coined the term moral insanity for criminals who had no self control and nor sense of ethics. These individuals were believed to have normal intellectual capabilities, but their behavior was improper and indecent.

Years later, the idea of psychopathic inferiority was developed. The prevailing assumption was that the nervous system was defective. In the early part of the twentieth century, the American Psychiatric Association defined what constituted a psychopath. They were amoral, antisocial, impulsive and irresponsible, satisfying their egocentric needs with without concern for consequences and had little guilt or anxiety.

A distinction between a sociopath and psychopath was formulated. Sociopaths were thought to act within the law; psychopaths violated the law. One mental health professional said these people’s behavior was acceptable to no one but themselves.

Mental health professionals noted that typical sociopaths were very charming. They speak well, are ingratiating and talk of their experiences. These experiences are often are often exaggerated and/or lies. They are often pathological liars. Their descriptions of events are generally different from others’ recollections.

Pathological Liars with APD and NPD
While this type of lying can be present in other psychiatric disorders, they are most prevalent in the APD and the NPD. The hallmark of the APD is lacking conscience. They’re exploitive, have no regard for others’ feelings and lie repeatedly. The hallmarks of the NPD are a sense of entitlement and grandiosity. They exaggerate their achievements, lack empathy and exploit others.

Treatment for these types of liars must begin with addressing the personality disorders. This includes psychotropic medications and therapy which usually is behavioral and cognitive behavioral. Both therapies focus on changing the behavior of the patient with APD or NPD. Cognitive therapy also identifies and changes dysfunctional thinking and emotional responses.

Therapy requires cooperation from the patient. The problem with this is that treating people with APD and NPD can be difficult because these individuals generally lie to the therapist about taking medications and their behavior. Many people with these conditions routinely fail to recognize their behavior as problematic and are therefore unlikely to seek psychological help. They seem content to continue to lie as long as their egocentric needs are being satisfied. Some NPDs, if committed to changing, can be helped. There is no known effective treatment for the APD.

Options - How to Deal with Pathological Liars
Coping with these liars can be frustrating. Sometimes it’s hard to separate truth from their lies. It’s best not to confront these liars directly because, they will probably become defensive and rationalize by lying again, they might be angry or they might exhibit both behaviors. There are other options for dealing with them.
Some believe that one should suggest the liar seek professional help. This can be a delicate situation because these liars don’t see anything wrong with their lying. Some believe their lies. In both cases it’s likely they would be offended and get angry. It’s the least desirable choice.
Others believe one should realize the person is a pathological liar and to ignore the lies.
People, when they hear two different versions of an event, can act confused and say, “I thought you said…. Please help me to understand.”
The last option is to end the relationship with the liar, if possible..