Sociopath = Coward

You can enter a room and find ways to entertain the guests even though you rather avoid crowds. People are attracted to your sense of humor and charm. You are the life of the party and appear to have your act together. People would never guess that you are very insecure and fearful of rejection. You experience difficulties managing your strong feelings of frustration and anger. You enter relationships with persons that easily submit to your viewpoints and demonstrate blind allegiance. Isn’t a relationship where someone hangs to your every word, deed, a sustainable one? How long can a person demonstrate unconditional acceptance to each of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors? Many with this personality type grew up in environments where emotional, physical, or sexual abuse was present. They were made to feel unworthy of the love of a parent and many times turned to drugs or alcohol to cope with feelings of rejection and insecurity. Like the nurturer/sabotager, the charmer/attacker attempted to find acceptance through peace-making behavior. Many times, he was not successful and found solace from friends, drugs, music, and other moral relative themes. He learned his social presentation from the media and social functions with peers. He found that drug usage helped to alleviate his feelings of insecurity and fear when with others.
Persons addicted to drugs or alcohol can possess many of the personality traits of the charmer/attacker. The charmer/attacker gains a sense of control by keeping relationships with others that unconditionally accepting his behavior. Many times, a nurturer/sabotager is attracted to this personality type due to charmer’s ability to utilize humor, and charm to present to the nurturer that he or she is needed and valued. This is not to say that the charmer/attacker does not need the nurturer. He is very compatible with someone that will avoid conflict and ensure harmony in the relationship. The charmer/attacker usually does not remain committed to one partner in a relationship. Due to drug abuse and/or the lack of substance in his relationship, he is easily lured to one-night stands and other high-risk activities. When these or any of his activities are challenged, he will become aggressive and threatening in attempts to regain control of the relationship. His feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection will be tapped, which will contribute to his pathological responses of projecting blame and making empty promises. His years of hurt and anger will surface in verbal, and physical attacks. He will use intimidation and abusive tactics to deal with relationship problems and force his partner to submit to his will. Initially, he may use his charm and make promises to change his behavior. As his credibility declines, he will revert to psychological and physical tactics to control the relationship. Domestic violence is a common theme in this relationship.
The charmer/attacker is a person that takes from the world to gratify his needs without considering the consequences of his actions. Many anti-social (sociopath) characteristics can be found in this personality type. The charmer wants to world to yield to his needs and performs contrived acts of love and respect to attract others to give him what he wants. He has not internalized the concepts of love, respect, and honesty due to his egocentric views and constant pursuit of self-gratification. Remember, as a child this person was rejected and had turned to other outlets for his needs. He never developed the concept of morality other than what he learned from morally relative themes. His destructive behavior usually continues until he suffers severe life consequences such as incarceration, or near death experiences. The charmer/attacker can be very skilled at presenting a caring and loving message to others but only does so to get what he wants. He may initially reciprocate positive virtuous behavior, but he will perform these virtues less and less as the relationship goes forward.
In relation to challenging his behaviors, once he realizes that he no longer intimidates and his antics such as creative writing attempts are no longer effective or being scrutinized and experiences the negative consequences to physical altercations, he will disappear altogether.  Many instances will find him sinking into a depression because he no longer has "complete" control over situations specifically those that bring the eye of public scrutiny on him.  Further implosion will follow in that close family relationships that he was fortunate to maintain such as with a sister (enabler) will be damaged and communication cut off.  He will remain in the background until such time he feels that the attention that his actions have brought has subsided.    He creates the issues and consequences and in some cases the individuals that are caught and hurt in his deceit, delusions and drive to satisfy only himself stand ready to once again expose him for who he actually is for the remainder of his life.  That is necessary when dealing with a sociopath and is his biggest fear.  The only way to safeguard others is to inform.  Backing down and "forgetting" is what he expects and anticipates so remove those words from your vocabulary while remembering that he is a coward that is dealing with childhood abuse by abusing and disregarding boundaries as an adult.  One reaps what one sows. 

Post Thanksgiving Ponderings

I find myself sitting back today watching some football and thinking about a successful Thanksgiving. Thoughts of all the things and people in my life for which I am truly blessed. I am thankful for my family- wife, sons and grandson. I am thankful for my parents and the education my father worked hard to make sure that I received and as a pass thru, the work ethic he bestowed to me by example. Regardless of what some may think or say, I am thankful that the education and work ethic has allowed me to have material things such as a nice house, nice cars and many "big boy toys". Even more so I am humbled that I have the ability and means to give the "wants" and not just the "needs" to my wife and children. "Things" do make life more enjoyable. I look back at the early years of our marriage, the "just starting out time" when we were determined to make life the way we wanted with no ones help especially those who said "we would never make it". We had big dreams then and everyone around us wanted to make sure we "understood reality". The days of Spam and beans has give way to steak and lobster but we are comfortable knowing that aside from our cholesterol, we would fare just fine that way again. Truth is, we are survivors and strip away all and we would remain "just fine". The difference is, we realize our blessings aren't "rights". We understand that the world owes us nothing and we are "entitled" to absolutely nothing. It comes down to knowing who you are and where you come from. I know we could live off the land just as well as living in the isles at Whole Foods. Reality is that to have something you have to fight to get it and more importantly fight to keep it. As most know its a struggle to make ends meet and it is only getting more difficult. Today people are too willing to give up.... To take the path of least resistance or to live a deceitful life always trying to take the things and people that one has fought so hard to maintain.
It's those parasites(criminals) that feel they are "entitled" to the things they desire. It's those individuals that has embraced and perpetuated the mentality that has led this country to the edge of disaster. Marriages are destroyed, children growing up without one parent, drug abuse and crime rates are at an all time high. All because men and women have lost sight of what it means to "work" to make their way. The boiler plate is lack of character and integrity. A person who stands up to fight back is said to be a "bully" and "stomps on people" by the parasites. Truth is the "parasite" is so used to getting "taken care of" by the government that they feel that everyone should just give up and roll over while they get exactly what they want. One thing I have to say to that- "Not in my lifetime will I ever just give in!" Don't get me wrong, I will give anyone in need the shirt off my back if need be but should someone, anyone attack the well being of my family regardless of the rationalization in their diluted mind I will never give in and will forever pursue retribution. That's something else I am thankful for in my upbringing in the mountains of Kentucky. I know who i am, know where I am from and I am proud of both. "You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy!" The mountains of Kentucky and growing up in "Bloody Harlan" instilled in me a desire to "do the right thing" and "to be loyal to my friends and family. The Marine Corp instilled faithfulness and brotherhood (Semper Fidelis- Always Faithful. ). To be successful in life one has to be loyal and faithful to God, Family, Country, Friends and Employers. There is nothing else.... It's that simple and for that I am the most thankful of all.

Low Self Esteem and Destructive Behavior

Many people who have bipolar disorder struggle with low self-esteem. Early experiences can greatly impact the outlook we have about ourselves. Abuse, neglect, and abandonment can influence self-esteem throughout our lives. Being harshly criticized, being ignored, ridiculed, or teased, being expected to be "perfect" all the time either at home or at school can affect self-esteem. Low self-esteem can also come from inconsistent or critical parenting. People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self.
While things in our childhood may affect how we view ourselves, an experience later in life may also be the cause. Often those with a physical disability or mental illness -including bipolar disorder - feel as if they are lacking in some way or don't measure up.Some people do not believe they are likeable, pretty, or successful. Even when given positive information, they still see the negatives in themselves. It becomes a never-ending cycle. Low self-esteem can also affect relationships if one depends greatly on the other to maintain their self-image.Some Signs of Low Self-Esteem

• Self-consciousness
• Shyness
• Over-sensitivity
• Feelings of rejection
• Inability to make decisions
• Attacking others or their character
• Attention seeking
• Aggression

 Other signs and behaviors that can indicate self-esteem problems:

• Pride
  If one is genuinely self-confident, there is no need for pride; only an empty balloon can be "blown up." To cover up their own insecurity, a fair amount of people act out pride, as if they are better than others, but only because they lack self-confidence.
  
• Improper humility
  Regarding oneself not as equal to others, but as less than others. Humility is a positive quality as it avoids pride and is other-centered, often driven by active compassion for others. Lack of self-confidence however, is often self-centered (feeling sorry for oneself and looking for excuses to not change your own situation) and it paralyzes you from doing positive actions.
  
• Idolizing people
  Overestimating others is based on - or will easily lead to - underestimating oneself.

Low self-esteem reduces your chances of success in life. It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. No matter how badly you want to reach a goal, low self-esteem will hold you back every time. When you don't value yourself and lack self-esteem, it will work against you and undermine you. If you do not believe in yourself, who will? Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive behavior.

Individuals who suffer bi-polar disorder and ASPD battle with issues of low self-esteem.  This leads them to engage in self-destructive choices especially involving relationships. All individuals who are or have been involved in extra-marital affairs have low self-esteem, specifically the unmarried participant.  In one particular case, a man whom for the purpose of this illustration will  be called Dan, has low self esteem, actively seeks relationships in bars or who are married.  He presents himself as very self confident and is perceived to have a big ego and over time reveals himself to be very arrogant. It is important to note that Dan is bipolar and has ASPD.  The disorders have led him to make extremely destructive decisions over the course of his life resulting in a long legal/arrest history, broken marriage and family, inability to maintain employment.  Actually his ego and arrogance is a self defense mechanism due to the little boy on the inside who doesn't feel good about himself. He seeks outside of himself for validation of his worthiness, attractiveness and sexual prowess. He is addicted to that validation and will always be that way unless he goes through significant psychotherapy, usually for a period of years.  Dan chooses to target women in bars because they are generally less inhibited or intoxicated due to alcohol consumption thus more gullible to his dishonesty and unable to pick up on his aberrhant behavior.  When they target married women and actually consumate the relationship, it is truly in attempt to validate to themselves that they are  worthy. Reality is that in their choice to seek a relationship with another that is committed to someone else just proves that he is unable and unworthy to have a normal relationship and will be so until counseling is sought to overcome his psychiatric issues.  Dan however has had numerous psyciatric hospital admissions over his lifetime to no avail due to his arrogance which impedes his awareness that he has a problem.  Healthy and stable individuals need not look for a relationship in bars nor will they seek a relationship with someone in a committed relationship.  Healthy and stable individuals realize that you only find one thing in bars(sex) and that messing with a married individual can lead to physical harm and even death.  Truth be told, people want someone to share their lives with that is committed to them.  A person cant be committed to two.  People in their right mind know this and will not accept anything less. 

Eight Reasons that People Cheat on Their Partners

It is natural for people to be attracted to someone other than their spouse while they are married; the problem arises when they act upon it. Some people would argue that it is okay for someone to veer once in a while from their relationship; others would end their marriage over an affair.

What are the reasons that people risk loosing their spouse?

 1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship. This was the most common reason cited by individuals in a recent broad study. Both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, the sex is not working out for them.

2. Desire for additional sexual encounters. This was a relatively infrequent reason cited by the individuals in this study. It’s possible that more people had this as a reason but didn’t want to admit to it as it is not a very socially desirable wish to articulate. For example, one man in the study stated that he felt he needed more sex in his life to reward him for performing well at his job.

3. Lack of emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship. Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy. Participants who stated the need for emotional closeness in an affair felt they were lacking a connection to their primary partners.

4. Wanting emotional validation from someone else. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other. Partners may grow apart and, as they do, fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in their relationship.

5. Falling out of love with your partner. This was a relatively insignificant reason in the study, perhaps because “love” is so difficult to define. In the grand scheme of things, having sexual and emotional intimacy seems to trump love.  I would add as well that people cant "fall out of love" just as we cant "fall in love" like it is something that just happens.  Loving someone is a CHOICE.  To "fall" implies that it is something we cant help or control.  Just as there is no such thing as "love at first sight."  It is "lust" at first sight but never love.  The choice to love someone can only occur through spending time getting to know the other person. 

6. Falling in love with someone new. Very few people indicated that they had fallen head over heels for the person with whom they had the affair. Again, emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray.-- Again, we dont "fall" in love, we "choose to love".  People involved in an affair are immersed in Lust and through the fog misinterpret the feeling as love. 

7. You’re wanting to seek revenge. In a relationship that is already suffering, the desire to hurt a partner who is (or is perceived as) cheating seems to raise the stakes significantly from mere lack of intimacy.This is a very real threat and reason.  "whats good for the goose is good for the gander" mentality.  Isnt the betrayed spouse justified in their feelings of revenge? 

8. You’re curious and want new experiences. People who cited this reason felt that they wanted something new, this motivation went beyond curiosity and into some type of contest to measure their sexual prowess. It might have been less complicated for them to compete on the tennis court or golf course, but the allure of someone and something new led them to choose this particular form of challenge. 

 

I would like to add another reason to the list.  Many would look at it and say that it belongs in the either the "emotional validation" or  "seeking revenge" categories but I believe it to be on the opposite end of both since it generally occurs in response to being cheated on.  Spouses should be the one individual in the others life that is most important.  They should never be second in the heart of the spouse.  When a spouse is betrayed it is an extremely painful event.  The one person whom you thought you could trust and should place you above all others commits adultery (physical or emotional makes no differene) thus sending the message to the betrayed spouse that they are not special as they should be.  This can lead many into a downward spiral searching for the feeling of once again being "the one and only".... Looking for the place that a spouse should occupy in the heart and mind of the other.  This finds the betrayed spouse being vulnerable to someone, anyone that is interested in allowing him/her to occupy that space in their lives.  This is not about validation and it is not about revenge.... Its about survival.  The longer two people are married the harder the betrayal and the greater the drive to once again feel the safety, peace and joy that become the daily existence for the betrayed spouse and was discarded by the betraying spouse.  Many call it trust but it is much deeper.  Its a chaotic feeling.... A life in which the betrayed spouse wanders in disbelief, anger, low self-confidence and agony at the death of a person that they thought would never willingly choose to cause them pain.  When one finds themselves in such a place, it is very easy, tempting and less daunting to perceive that it is best to find what they lost in someone different.... It brings about a high degree of anxiety and requires great fortitude to seek it in the person that is responsible for the loss in the first place.  One however must stop and remember that to place your feelings of well being in the hands of another is setting themselves up for disappointment. 

 

 

Real Life Example....

I recently was reminded of a response that a sociopath composed in reply to his criminal history being exposed.

The Comment: "A criminal is different in your mind and mine.For one I do believe that you are a criminal for stalking me, for making every attempt to discredit me. I am not hidding from anyone. You need to get a grip on your life and stop worring about mine. Your mothers and your fathers. That is their life. Though it does seem to affect you quite a bit. Glad that you can not mention anything that I have done good, you think by slandering me that no one will want me, that is a long line and you are in the short line. People make mistakes and we move on. 35 criminal charges yeah 28 came from a fishing trip where the officer did not want to go to the car for my id and was attempting to give me a poaching ticket for not having my dl on me. What you failed to research is that all charges were droped i was granted a settlement from the police department and the officer was dismissed. As far as the filling a false police report yeah i did it. I went outside there was a body in the bushes and I called the police thinking that there was someone there dead. They came out and gave me a ticket for him not being deade. I should have faught that but did not have the time so I paid the fine. And as far as being an extra what the hell have you done with your life. What the hell do you think that you will be able to do with your life with an attitude such as yours. I will harrass anyone and everyone that I am upset with. Get bent. Them most amout of damage that has happened here is that you have found a way to let off steam and imbarrass yourself. And there is noting wrong with working at mcdonalds. I respect anyone that gets up and goes to work. There is no disrespect involved in worknig for a living. I once met a black man at a gas station somewhere in the mid west. I held the door for him and his friend as they walked up. The first black man said that I dont need you to hold the door for me, I said that it was ok and that I have been a door stop for most of my life. He yelled and screamed but I held the door and he went it. The second black man said after his friend went in that there is no shame in being a door stop but you should always be the best doorstop that you can. Be proud of who you are and what you do no matter what anyone else thinks of it. I wuould hope that that story helps you but I do not think that it will."
Reality is that his criminal record began early on in 1994 with the latest entry being 2011. It was true that included issues with fish and wildlife in the state of California but only three (3) citations. The other 42 entries spanned many years, included assault and battery(on a female and law enforcement), DUI, stalking (trespassing) and numerous other violations. In his dysfunctional mind however, his pride has him "manufacturing" a false reality in line with the hidden agenda that is delusional sociopathology. The author of the comment exposing his criminal and parasitic nature had stated that a job of any sort such as McDonalds should be sought by him instead of living off the tax payers. Notice how he attempted to turn around the communication in an ineffective attempt to take the position of superiority. That combined with his arrogance is classic sociopath behavior. He will never except that he is mentally ill, will never take accountability of his criminal nature, will always seek to attempt to manipulate everyone he comes in contact. He allowed this behavior destroy his marriage, led him to not be a father to his children and prevents him from maintaining gainful, meaningful employment.
A criminal living off of government assistance is the life he chooses because he refuses to see the issues in his life arose because of his choices and decisions to disregard boundaries- societal, legal, spiritual and moral. Always will his life difficulties be the cause of others and living with such a victims mentality leads one to victimize others and feel justified in doing so. Sad, sad life.. Numerous Mental hospital admissions was just another waste of public resources for he learned nothing to allow him to be a productive and honorable member of society.
Now about the "extra" comment in his response. He was raised in a military family that like most move around frequently. I expect it to be a lonely life. He told a girl in the mid to late 80's that he was moving because "he got a role a one of the Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles and was required to relocate for the film." This shows the extent of brain damage done through early exposure to alcohol but more importantly shows a genetic imbalance leading to pathological lying. In the comment leading to his quoted response, he was called out on that fact. He then proceeds to state that he was an "extra" in that film as he was in two other major films of that time. His claim was investigated further through actually contacting the production company responsible for extra staffing which revealed his claim to be dishonest (as expected and true to pathological lying and delusions of grandeur). Consistent with his mental disorder when the world was informed of his false claims, he lashed out in anger stating, "I answer to no one!!!" Funny how someone who lectured on pride and arrogance in his attempt to establish superiority regressed to juvenile arrogance when "light illuminated the dark corners In his life." All because he encountered someone who 1. Was by no means and in no shape or form afraid of him.... 2. Actually more intelligent than he believes himself to be. 3. Refused to allow his disregard for moral and ethical boundaries to impact his life negatively. A manipulative person is far less appealing and even appalling when they are exposed.

Stages women experience during their long-term relationship

A long term study has found that women are the one’s initiating 70-75% of all divorces.  In the study it was discovered that women are most likely to divorce in their late twenties and early thirties, after about four years of marriage. Women have pre-midlife crisis’s that are similar to the midlife crisis’s that men have, but with a big difference that she states can make women more likely to cheat than men.  After years of interviewing women, the study revealed certain patterns and behaviors that were put into the“stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages initiate with a loss of sexual desire.

The 4 Stages:

Stage 1
Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.

 Stage 2

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involve sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.

Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves.

Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.

Stage 3

Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.

These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.

Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.
The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”
Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.

Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.

Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.

Truth be told if  one cant hold true to their vows then they are useless liars and deserve to be unhappy the rest of their lives.