Get the person back you married....

 

Do you remember the days when you first met your spouse or when you first got married and everything was filled with fun, love and that amazing feeling of being connected? Being away for even a short period of time was like torture. This “honeymoon” phase is complete bliss.

It is easy to steer off that  path and end up lost, confused, angry, sad, lonely, disconnected, etc. We have everyday challenges that can contribute to this-  one of you lost your job, you got too comfortable and stopped trying to look good, maybe one or the other is angry all time because they can’t sleep, or maybe you have kids now and don’t make time for one another. Whatever the case maybe, you want to get back on track and have those blissful days with your love.

It takes effort to get that spark you once had going... Three tips to accomplishing just that: 
1. Spend time with each other. You spent plenty of quality time together when you where dating and first married. You went to plenty of dinners and movies, maybe sports games, etc. So, DO IT AGAIN! Go on an actual date again.

2. Take some of the stress off your spouses shoulders. Does he/she stress every night about getting the kids to bed, getting  work things ready for the next day AND cleaning? How about both tackle the duties required as to not over burden the other. Bonus: Then write  a little love note and place it where he/she can find it . Its a pleasant surprise to see that during a stressful morning of rushing to work!

3. Talk to your spouse like you used to. Dream together, make plans, talk about the good ol' days. Plan a trip together, even if just a pretend trip to somewhere special. Talk to each other, talk a lot, connect and reach out to each other! Ask questions about his/her day, life, dreams and fears. And really really listen to the answers!

Realize that your spouse can't make love to you the way you'd like unless he/she feels CONNECTED to you first. Women feel connected by hearing and seeing that they're loved. Men feel connected when they are complimented and touched.  No man or woman just "know" they are loved all the time. We need to be reminded everyday, several times a day! If your spouse feels repeatedly connected to you, she/he will reciprocate and make you feel connected as well (aka, by making love to you!)   

After the Infidelity: 7 Ways to Emotionally Reconnect with Your Spouse

Relationships are complicated as it is, so if some partner betrays the other partner’s trust, it can break the relationship. Infidelity is one of the main causes for divorce. It can create a distance between two people that may be unfixable.  Breaking up may not always be the answer. Some couples decide to work on things post affair and live in a long healthy relationship.

Here are a few steps from Shine.yahoo.com to take after the indiscretion has been discovered and you've decided to stay with your partner:

1. Communicate - After your partner has been unfaithful, you should ask them why they strayed? It seems like a simple step but it's often skipped. After all, the truth can hurt. But it's best to know the reasons so those issues can be addressed. Wait until your partner is ready to open up and reveal this information to you. Unfortunately, in some cases, the answer to this question will never come. Poor communication can make it difficult to repair a damaged relationship.

2. Don't Blame - If you've decided to stay that should also mean you've decided to forgive. Staying in the relationship, without forgiving, is a losing endeavor. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget what happened. Discovering the motivation behind the infidelity should help ease the road to forgiveness. Time is a fundamental element in achieving this crucial step.

3. Seek Counseling - Getting advice from a qualified third party can be helpful and may accelerate the healing process. Counseling can be beneficial if taken alone or as a couple. If you are religious, you might consider getting religious-based counseling. Choosing a counselor is a personal decision and selecting the right person is something that should be discussed between you and your partner. If you're unable to seek professional counseling, you might find success by discussing the matter with a mentor or any confidant you feel comfortable sharing the facts with.

4. Spend Time Alone - Sometimes the best way to reconnect to someone else is to reconnect to yourself first. Revisit an old hobby or start a new one. Reflect on your life and determine if your goals still align with the relationship. If not, you have to decide if you are ready to take steps to move away from the relationship permanently.

5. Plan a Date - Reconnecting with your partner means spending time with your partner. Plan a date night, for an added touch, try recreating the very first date you and your partner shared. This is a great time to reminisce about memorable moments in your relationship. Take a stroll down memory lane and think about the reasons you decided to enter the relationship in the first place. Remembering good times can help you get through the bad times.

6. Take a Romantic Getaway - Regaining those wonderful feelings toward your partner may take more than just a date night. If so, this is the perfect time to go on a couple's retreat. Another option is to take a day trip if you can't take a full vacation. Leave in the morning, spend a whirlwind day on a mutually enjoyable activity and return home by nightfall.

7. Renew Your Vows -  This act makes a very strong statement to both your partner and the world by showing the level of dedication you have for each other. The support of friends and family can propel you forward in your relationship and smooth the way to forgiveness.

If you and your partner decide to work on it, make sure you are both 100% committed and bring all your issues to the forefront. ABOVE ALL BE HONEST.  Following infidelity any dishonesty will completely unravel any trust that could be restored.  Further dishonesty will only bring about resentment in the one you promised to love and committed yourself to through sickness and health, good times and bad, richer and poorer, forsaking all others.  Remember that time, honesty, patience and forgiveness are key elements to surviving and thriving after the cheating.