Each and every human being has desires... Wants... Some are shallow while others are heartfelt. The driving force to obtain the objects of one's desires is powerful and in some instances cause the abandonment of all reason. Generally by the time someone is 6 years old, if parenting has been provided, they know the difference between "right and wrong". As we mature we develop thought processes that can, in the presence of mental illness or ineffective parenting, justify any action. I myself desire enough money to provide for my family and to be comfortable in life. My driving force is strong to be able to provide at a level that my family has grown accustomed. My thought process, understanding the difference between right and wrong, is that if I work hard then I will be rewarded with the income I need to fulfill my desire. I have found this to be true throughout my life. I have found myself standing in the check-out line at a convenience store looking at the cases filled with lottery tickets and I feel a "urging" to purchase one, two or more and thinking how great it would be if I won the jackpot and then daydream of all the wonderful things I would do with the winnings. Rationally, I know that I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening than I do winning any appreciable amount of money so breaking the daydream my thought process concludes with it being a waste of money in hand for a poor chance of winning more. The lottery thought process is the most irrational that goes through my mind thankfully due to effective parenting by my father who instilled a strong work ethic, morals and values during my childhood. Some people on the other hand will take the thought one step further and in some instances will actually act on it. It is easy for them to envision robbing a bank, store or individual to get the money they desire. Generally this is a means to an end such as buying drugs or sex. I imagine that none ever imagine or actually do it with the the intent to "take care of my family." They are willing to steal and hurt others so they can meet their desires. They are willing to take what others have worked hard and invested in to obtain. That is twisted thinking and shows that they had a crappy upbringing and in most cases are mentally ill.
Now apply that same thought process to any desire such as that of being with another persons spouse. In our society we know it is wrong to commit adultery otherwise it wouldnt be known as an illicit relationship. In such a relationship both parties are at fault but more lies in the lap of the unmarried participant. Again, due to their sorry upbringing and mental illness, their desire is most important. More important than the damage to the other people involved- the betrayed spouse, children, families, they are simply concerned with what they want. Most of the unmarried participants have a wake of failed relationships behind them. Failed marriages, poor relationships with their parents, strained relationships with their children from those failed marriages. If we stop and look at their multitude of damaged relationships then it is easy to see where the problem lies- with faulty thought processes, poor self control, lack of intelligence and inability to recognize and honor boundaries. Looking deeper into their background, in many cases, their will be numerous legal issues brought about by not respecting boundaries. These individuals feel as though they "answer to no one". I have heard it said by one such individual who meets the criteria for both poor upbringing and mental illness that he "Answers to no man." I laugh when I think of the delusion of not being accountable. This person has a "rap sheet" with 42 infractions that stand to indicate that atleast 42 times he answered to someone. I have concluded that individuals who participate in affairs and prey on those that are married are living in a type of Fantasy world where they have difficulty determining fiction from reality. Most are sociopaths and pathological liars. The individual that comes to my mind cannot maintain gainful employment, has no home to call his own, basically lives a nomadic existence where he as he quotes from Gone With The Wind, "I rely on the kindness of strangers" but then turns around and metaphorically stabs them in the back. He is content to live off money that he does not earn. His family relationships at best and saying it kindly are "strained". His son is following in his footsteps in that he already, just old enough to legally drive, was arrested for possession with intent to distribute marijuana and controlled narcotics and will stand before a judge in one week- poor and absent parenting is definitely a contributing factor. How can a person not stop and take a realistic inventory of their life and see that they definitely are not the person they have led themselves to believe and try to portray to the world? He beats his chest arrogantly while proclaiming to all that he is humble and not full of pride. I would agree that his life is nothing to be prideful about but his actions and choices to not respect boundaries reveals the truth. He is in no way humble. He is pathological. There is no other way one can live with their actions and function in their delusion without lying most of all to themselves and being gullible enough to believe what they tell themselves. Its early juvenile thinking at its best. All based on what? The basic human needs primarily sex! Its like a Peacock spreading its tail feathers to garner the attention of a mate. But in the case of an illicit relationship the unmarried pursuer seeks vulnerability. Actually it is more apt to say "the predator" seeks vulerability in its prey. I am unaware of any marriage that could be defined as "perfect". All have their problems and those marriages that are founded on love and devotion can overcome the many issues that can plague the marriage. When hard times happen, one or the other or both spouses can become vulnerable to the "spreading of tail feathers" and be assured that there will always be some proud, delusional "Peacock" around. People who don't have and cant maintain any relationship search them out trying to prove something to themselves. Fact is that by seeking and trying to obtain someone who has pledged their love and taken vows to another in some distorted thinking gives him a sense of accomplishment by attempting to prove he can have a relationship but also attempting to minimize his own failure by assisting another person's relationship to fail. The old saying "Misery loves company" applies in this case. Rest assured that the wayward spouse will soon find themselves more miserable with this person than they were in their marriage. Also, by developing a relationship with a dated shelf life will do nothing to repair the damaged family relationships of the unmarried individual. His actions will just perpetuate his family's feelings toward him as uncaring, unworthy and damaged.
Looking at things rationally as I do, why would anyone choose to get involved with someone who would participate in the destruction of a marriage? Fundamentally it stands to reason that if they don't recognize the boundary that is martimonie, specifically if they have divorce already under their belt then it is expected that he/she would do it again not respecting your feelings. Add to that, like in the case of the person I am familar, his father is ashamed of him, his children have nothing to do with him, he has enough legal infractions to wall paper his jail cell(when and if incarcerated) and has no appreciable means of employment so is a very poor provider. How on earth could anyone see such an individual as a viable option for a relationship? He does not know how to love anyone or anything other than himself which is apparent in his actions and choices. Only a fool would expect him to be unselfish when his life choices have always been selfish. After speaking personally with a couple of women whom he had "encounters", in their words, "He was geeky arrogant and not a good lover at all." One even went as far to say that "when a guy is not very well endowed as he and his belly kept getting in the way then you would think he would try other things and try harder." Point is this.... The grass is only greener on the other side over the septic tank! All needs can be met in your marriage only when communication is maintained with your spouse. Beware of the selfish arrogant Peacocks with little "johnsons" and a large belly cause they are full of crap and will always cost way more than they are worth!
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