1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
I like the words- reliance, integrity, surety, confident, expectation and hope. Those words are very powerful and within me brings a feeling of warmth, comfort and safety. What and whom is it appropriate that we place our reliance in their integrity so we can have confidence and surety to maintain an expectation and hope that they will be able to instill in us that feeling of safety? I look at my life and my past is littered with people whom I misplaced my trust. I can honestly say that at times in my life that I even misplaced trust in myself. We all do. We all know the sting and pain that comes from someone we care about discarding our trust in them. Those times should stand as a lesson learned but I have found that it is inate in us to want to trust. The feeling of security that comes from trusting is unlike any other. I mean, we can put our seatbelt on and "feel" safe and secure but in reality people still get hurt and killed in car crashes. I carry my pistol everywhere I go and do feel a sense of security but I know that in the unfortunate event that I find it necessary to have to use it, in those split seconds, many things could go wrong so I dont completely trust so the security I feel is unlike the security that we seek from placing our trust in people. As I think about it, the people we love the most, the ones that we should be able to place our trust in to love and protect us back are the ones that hurt us the most. Initially trust is like a brand new sheet of paper. It is smooth, crisp and clean. The promise it holds in being the keeper of beautiful words or beautiful art. Now imagine taking that beautiful clean and smooth piece of paper and crumple it up in your hand. Its still the same piece of paper and holds the same promise but as you uncrumple the paper, you see the creases, the folds, the imperfections and you realize that it will never be the same. So it is with trust. We give it to someone and when they deem it unimportant and discard its beauty and purity, it will never be the same. But in our innate desire to want to place our trust in someone, whether they have proven to deserve it or not, we selfishly give it to once again feel that deep sense of security that can only come from giving it. The words, "I'm sorry" or "Please Forgive me" are the key for most to nod their heads, smile and instantly give it again because of their need. I know, I liken my trust to a yo-yo. Throughout my life people have betrayed my trust- I take away my trust, they apologize- I give it back and it goes on and on. I guess it is my hope that at some point they will actually mean and feel their apology and not betray my trust again. How silly am I? I am at the place in my life where I feel a "wall" being built against the hurt. Afterall, is any of us ever really safe and secure?
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